Settling For A Situationship

Situationships seem to be the trend these days. As my single friends and I converse it’s quite apparent how difficult it is to get in a relationship. Why that is?… Hmm… A mystery unsolved. Perhaps we (not all but most) have allowed situationships to actually suffice to make us happy. But are you truly happy?

You have this guy you’re talking to has his own place, you guys text every day, he takes you to lunch/dinner sometimes and maybe you get to  point where you sleep with him. But only on the weekends because during the week he’s too busy for you. But is that all that needs to be done to win your heart?

I discovered today when talking to a friend that sometimes we only tell a portion of the story so it doesn’t seem so bad. Her guy friend is nice looking, has a car, his own place, a job and only one child. I was sold! She was in fact almost winning with just those qualifications. Let me add that it’s almost sad that we have to set those qualifications. But back to the story. After a long investigation, she goes on to tell me that he never wanted to get married, have more children and that he felt comfortable with them just being sexual partners and nothing more. This was because he was currently digging someone else but he was unsure if that person would ever date him though.

Well the most positive thing out this was that he was completely honest. But after he said that, she convinced herself that that’s probably what she wanted to out of the deal. She said she was in her 30’s and getting older and her chances of marrying and having children are slimming by the day. That, my friends, is how some of these situationships start. She’s settling for something she doesn’t really want because she has someone to talk to and sleep with (some of the time). I don’t think that’s fair to her. But maybe we have to experience a real life situationship for us to know for sure if that’s what we want/don’t want.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Not Guilty Intentions or Desperate Intentions…But Unintentional!

I’m so elated that I received an unexpected text this morning. I haven’t talked to this person for about a year and a half. So when I received the text, it came as a major surprise.

To sum it up, the person expressed how I inspired them and mentioned their huge accomplishment. Their first book is coming soon. I smiled with joy as I had no idea that I’d unintentionally encouraged someone. It’s always my intention to write, motivate and inspire. But for it to come unknowingly, was a different type of feeling. I knew at that moment, my efforts had not gone unnoticed. I always said that if I could encourage or touch one person, then I could be on the right track to inspire even more.

I’ll be honest. There are times when I want to play the role of Negative Nelly and complain, gripe and groan. But I realize that everything isn’t all that bad and it can always be worse. But, this is just proof that people watch you no matter what you do or say. We have to be careful in how we live and speak in front of others. I could have said something to this very same person that was negative and could have deterred them from taking a big leap of faith to complete a big accomplishment.

Now, I do see another opportunity. Perhaps, I can strengthen my inspiration skills and encourage more individuals by staying in my Write Mind. The point here is to try to always be and or set an example because you never know who’s watching. Although people may not see the true struggle in pursuing your dreams. They don’t see the hard work, long hours, stress, money and patience. All they see is that you got it done. That’s unintentional inspiration!

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

P.S. Yes, the title was a intentional plug to purchase my books!

Pretty Red Exterior

Some cars have a pretty red exterior but the engine doesn’t function. At that point, what good is that car for if it only portrays a nice shiny color?

I was talking to one of my friends about his vehicle this morning. He explained that he feared that it would break down on him at any time. I was surprised that he was having trouble with this car. I had to ask if he had another car that I didn’t know about… If you were to look at the exterior of his car, you have no clue that it was on the verge of falling apart. The paint is nice, the fabric is clean and it has the new car smell. But under that hood.. Oh Boy! It’s a different story. I lost count of how many things he said was wrong with the car.

That’s how we are are as people. We look just fine on the outside. Our exterior is grand and we put on a front that we’re ok. Our skin is vibrant, illuminating and shimmery. But that doesn’t show how black our hearts are. This is another reason why we shouldn’t judge people based on how they look or dress. We can cover up with clothes and make-up. But eventually what’s killing us inside will eventually start to show.

I’ve run into people who feed off of comments of what they look like on the outside. They have every intention on making themselves look the best every morning. But what they don’t care to work on is how ugly their personality is. How can you expect someone to find you attractive if you treat people poorly?

What will eventually happen is the darkness of your heart will start to show on the outside. Just like a broken down car. It will start off as something small being wrong. You may try to cover it up or get a quick, cheap fix. But that quick fix will lead to something else going wrong. Then the next thing you know, something major will go wrong and it will break down.

Don’t be that car with a pretty red exterior with a jacked up engine. A non functioning car is of no use to anyone but the owner of a junk yard.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Independent Contractor

One of the joys of being single is that you get to do what you want and buy what you want, when you want. I don’t have to consult with anyone on any decisions, unless I need assistance making up my mind. The downfall is you have all these people who try to map out your life by what should be.

This past weekend was my birthday so I decided to make a few purchases. After one of my Facebook friends saw one of the gifts that I bought for myself, he mentioned that it’s a shame that I have to buy my own gifts. “You deserve someone who will buy you things for your birthday.”

I don’t see anything wrong with buying myself gifts. If I don’t spoil myself then no one else will. But I started to wonder why it even mattered so I asked. His response: I always see you doing everything by yourself. I think you show too much independence and maybe you probably don’t even know how to act if someone bought you something.

My face turned up in confusion. How can I show too much independence by buying myself gifts? Of course he had a response for this. Hey jokingly said, “I just think when women are independent for too long, it’s almost like second nature to take the lead and then they don’t know how to NOT be so independent. You should step back and allow a man to take care of you sometimes. I know you are single and maybe you aren’t even looking for someone. But I think we should at least find someone for you that can take on some of that independence from you.”

Keep in mind that he’s married so he’s completely out of touch with how dating goes. He probably meant well in his comments. But I’m not quite sure if I appreciate his view on my single life and why it deemed important enough to discuss. Everyone has an opinion about something though.

But, I do know for sure that I don’t agree with him suggesting that I need an independent contractor. What’s that? An independent contractor is someone who isn’t quite willing to be committed but I can call when I need/want something (a bill paid, lunch money, a new bag, etc).

It’s already difficult enough to meet someone who is worth my time. Meeting someone who has potential to be an independent contractor is even more difficult. I’m ok with buying my own gifts until someone is ready and willing to do it for me permanently. I’m not really seeking an independent contractor. I’m looking for a permanent partnership. I would rather have someone that can offer me something like time rather than money.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Life On Cruise Control

So I had a moment this morning while I on my way to work. As soon as I got off the freeway, I followed behind this man who was driving under the speed limit. He was just cruising along with no care in the world. Sunglasses on, windows down and arm rested on the door. My immediate reaction was “OMG. Why are your driving so slow? You can at least drive the speed limit!” Internally, I cussed him for a couple of blocks. As I sped past him, he never looked my way. He continued with the same posture going slowly toward his destination. He wasn’t worried about who sped past time. No cares given about what others thought.

After much thought, it must be nice not to rush. It must be nice to just enjoy the drive and the scenery without a care in the world. While the rest of us were rushing to get somewhere, he cruised on taking in every bit of second. It was almost as if he had the car on cruise control.

Some of us need to our lives on cruise control.  We rush to get to red lights. We rush to get there on time. We rush because we were unsuccessful with time management. I get anxious trying to figure out what’s next. I worry what will happen if I do this or if I do that. I know I’m not the only person who wants control over the future.

How about we stop worrying about what’s up ahead and face it when we get there? Just like those red lights on the roads, we’ll experience some of those. But that doesn’t mean we don’t get to continue on to our journeys.

Maybe that drive into work was to tell to put my life on cruise control and just ride out. I’ll eventually get to where I need to be. Perhaps it’s just not in the same fashion as others. But I’ll get there.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

We Gained A Legacy

I’ve kept quiet about this only because I’ve felt uneasy. I know it’s late. But truth is, that I’m really angry. When will this ever end? Every time something like this happens, there is always some type of proof of something else to take the attention off what really happened. She did this wrong. She did that wrong. She was this kind of person. She was that kind of person. What about what the police officer who did not follow correct procedures. What about the staff at the jail who did not follow correct procedures? I almost feel lost that justice will not be served because it’s their word against what really happened.

What’s real here is that she never should have been arrested. Police officers can do what the hell they want, say what the hell they want and break any law they feel. Seems like when police officers take an oath, it’s an automatic license to kill.

I’m not saying that all police are bad. But I do think that social media has allowed us to bring light to the corrupt system. We already knew the system was set up for us to fail. But with the assistance of social media, we can spread the word farther and faster.

Sandra Bland was my Soror. I may have not ever met her before, but she left behind a legacy. The cause of death was that she killed herself. It’s just a rumor that she killed herself with a trash bag. I refuse to believe that this woman all of a sudden took her own life.

I can only continue to pray for her family and friends. To our Sorors, we lost a sister but we gained a legacy left behind.

#SigmasStickTogether #SisterCircle #SandraSpeaks #JusticeForSandy

Worried About Mr. and Mrs. Jones

Who’s keeping up with the Joneses? No one should. We should all be minding our own business and not worried about what Mr. and Mrs. Jones are doing. You ever come into contact with that person that always wants to be one up from you? You know that one that always reminds you, “Anything you can do, I can do better” or “I have more than what you have.”

Newsflash: No one cares that you have more than they do.

People only want you to do better, until you are doing better than they are. What we should be worried about is how everyone on the team succeeds. It’s not about having THE best or being THE best. It’s about obtaining the best that works for you. Everything does not need to be a competition. You can get yourself in a bind when you play that game. You can start to become materialistic and your debt and stress start to increase. What sense does that make just to keep up with your neighbor?

I like to stay in my lane so I know I’m not racing anyone but myself. But some people like to merge right on over into the neighbor’s lane to race. Why do we have to make a competition out of every aspect of our lives? That’s because some people can’t stand to see you doing better or have the same things as you. It’s not until you buy a new car or new house and then here they come trying to be one up from you. But in the back of your mind, they really are trying to keep up.

By the way, the Joneses may just be putting up a front. For all you know, they could be trying to keep up with you. Be confident in who you are so you don’t fall into comparing and competing with anyone else. But please humble yourselves and know we aren’t better than anyone. We are simply DIFFERENT than everyone. You can steal your own joy by comparing yourself and competing with your neighbor.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Closing A Chapter For Another Book

You ever want closure from a situation but it just won’t go away? It can be a beef with someone who was once close, a past relationship, a project at work, a situation between friends, a hit to your budget or credit. It could be a number of other things. Lately, I’ve had some issues about closure.

Not to make an excuse but sometimes it’s just that difficult to let some things go. Hell, sometimes you just miss the feelings that those people or those things gave you. It was comfort in knowing you had something or was in a good situation. But what about when that comfortable feeling is gone? Now you’re stuck seeking that same feeling you had when things were good. It’s a fight and a chase. But you never get it back.

When you try to let it go, it seems to slither right back through those cracks. It’s like a weed that won’t go away because you let it continue to grow for so long. Now you have to get to the root to destroy it.

It caused me to think on why it’s so easy for things that I want to be done to be done. When it boils down to a reason, there’s only one. It’s because I unknowingly and maybe selfishly allowed things to linger for too long. This is even after I realized just how harmful it is for me. It’s easy to seek comfort in harmful things or people that a bad for you.

I’ve let open possibilities take a hold on moving forward. I was even on the verge of using them as excuses as to why I couldn’t get a bunch of things done. Blame? It’s all mine in this case.

I never understood when people said “you allowed it to happen”. Some things are just out of our control. However most things are in our control to eliminate out of your life. We’ve just allowed them to linger on just a tad bit too long.

So today I seek closure for a list of situations and even some people that seemed so difficult to get rid off. Instead of me wondering what’s going to happen next, I’m closing the chapter on some stories so that I can start a new book. All of these situations may not be as easy as throwing paper away. Some of them will take time to close. But I’ve made the decision to go down the road of closure. Hopefully it leads me down a greater path.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Brick Wall Of Transparency

So there is definitely an undisclosed reason why some of us are scared to open up to others. Whether it’s friendship or mateship, it’s difficult to open up to others. We always get that same bubbly feeling we get when we start to like someone or that feeling of uneasiness when we haven’t talked to a friend in a while. But what happens when you are letting someone new in? We get scared to let them in and we often never know if they will give us those same feelings.

When we open up to people, we expect them to accept what ever it is we are opening up about. We don’t want judgement, conflict or a disturbance to our relationship. Isn’t the lack of those things the reasons why we are good friends or mates? But because we DON’T want that hinderance, we build these walls up. Then we expect whoever it is that we are trying to open up to, to climb those walls with no help.

Let’s say we do decide to open up… Then we are left anticipating an agonizing wait on what that person thinks.  We all have a fear of the unknown. It’s part of being human. If we believe in God, our only option is praying about it. It’s also our job to allow that light bulb to go off in our heads. If the person receiving your truth is not willing to accept your openness, then guess what? It wasn’t meant for them to receive it.

It’s sure and guaranteed that we take this invisible punch to the throat when someone doesn’t receive us. But it’s a lesson in opening up. Your truthfulness and transparency will either be used with you or against you. Most of the time, people use your pain against you. Your flaws, your past and your stumbles all serve as fuel to those not willing to accept you.

Although we want to be open to everyone, we can’t. Be careful who you open up to! It’s not meant for everyone to know what you’ve been through. Your journey of where you’ve been and where you’re headed is not for everyone. Your story of joy and pain is not meant for everyone to read or listen to.

Most of us will continue to have that brick wall of transparency. Then some of us will learn to take the wall down. It may take us a while because it’s not that easy. I mean it is a brick wall!

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Debating With Perception

What a Monday I had. It’s those moments you wake up and know something doesn’t feel right about your day. Your routine is out of whack, you’re running late for work and your morning drive to work is a bit more hostile than normal. But it was an encounter I had this morning that really set the tone for the day.

Have your ever debated with someone only to realize, you were debating with a fool? That would make you even more of a fool right? Well I felt that way this morning. I was trying to prove a point that I became so angry that I almost lost myself and what I stood for. There’s no point in debating when the other party doesn’t want to compromise. Of course everyone wants things to go their way. But no one on either side wants to give in. It’s pretty pointless and a waste of time, breath, energy and words.

I may have put this in a previous post. But I once read “Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is say nothing at all.” I had that light bulb moment after the fact. I should have kept my mouth shut and not responded to the nonsense.

Then there’s that idea of debating with someone who doesn’t respect you or who you don’t respect. Respect is so important that we often disrespect others just trying to prove a point. It’s true that we have to demand respect. But I’m not going to demand it from someone who doesn’t respect themselves.

I had to realize that people’s perception of me is the only weight they have of who I really am. Debating based on perception is a dangerous move. I almost made that move today. It was then I made the conclusion that I shouldn’t have to prove myself based on a mere perception of what they think I am versus who I really am.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?