The Heart Of A Supporter

There’s been a growing amount of love activity going on around me. While I no longer believe in romantic love for myself, I still believe in love for others. I like everyone being in love and finding these mates.

Even watching the Olympics, husband of Hungarian swimmer, Katinka Hosszu melted my heart the way he rooted for his wife. While some thought he was a bit obsessive with his yelling, screaming and harsh motivational words, he still has the heart of a supporter. That’s definitely more than what most can say they get from their significant others.

I was glancing over my IG feed and one post caught my eye. “I’m wondering if he loves me because he doesn’t support my endeavors.” Pause. Wait.What? You mean to tell me that you thought about it long enough to even post it? Publicly? I wanted DM her right away and tell her, “Nope. He sure doesn’t.”

I know what it’s like to have someone not believe in you. Instead of me getting upset, it actually just lit a fire in my behind. I worked harder to reach my goal. Even after he told me it couldn’t be done. I had these ideas and I would ask him his opinion from a male perspective. He would sometimes ignore my requests or he would simply say he didn’t care. How rude?!! But what’s even more rude? I wrote not one but two books without his help or support.

What’s a mate who isn’t there for moral support? What’s a friend that doesn’t like anything positive going on in your life? What’s a family member who is always negative and doesn’t think any ideas will work, even if you know in your heart, it’s the right thing? Vaguely, it would be just a negative person. But in our terms, it is a HATER. Someone who doesn’t want to see you doing better than them or doesn’t like the fact that you want more and see more out of life.

Let’s say you have a business and post it on social media. You ask them to repost because that could potentially reach an audience you don’t have. But they say no because they don’t want people in your business. It will cause drama if people found out you dated… Ut ummm *clears that… There’s something wrong right this picture. It shouldn’t matter who will know if you are dating if it isn’t a problem. Your relationship business should be the secret. YOU shouldn’t be the secret. Ladies and gentlemen, listen to me, please. If you are dating someone and they don’t support the positive things in your life, you need to rethink that relationship.

Let’s pretend you ask them to to go with you to a networking event. You know it could turn into a date night and a business opportunity. They say they’d rather stay in the house and chill because anything that has to do with your business plan is just not their thing… Red flag. If you’re in a relationship with me, my business is my thing therefore, it’s now your thing too.

What I’m trying to get at here, is if you are going to be in a relationship, you shouldn’t have to question their support in your endeavors. Your partner should have so much support that there should be no doubt or question if they are into you. Be into someone with a heart of supporter.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?


Why We Can’t Be Friends

I was talking to a woman today about exes. She asked me why an ex and I couldn’t be friends. My simple response: He doesn’t know how to let go and just be friends. She then asked the mysterious question that has been lurking for years: Can you be friends with an ex? She followed up with: I most definitely can be friends with an ex. But what I can’t do is see them with someone else…

Wait, what? Pause there for a second… You mean to tell me that you can remain friends with someone that you’ve shared feelings, moments, memories and have been intimate with? But you would be hurt if they were doing all of those things with someone else?

Well that to me seems like its a “if I can’t have them, then no one will” moment. I’mont sure if I would go that far to say that. But it does tells me that you can’t truly be over someone if you can’t see them with another person. Which ultimately tells me that you can’t be friends with an ex if you still have feelings for them. Then I thought a step further. Wouldn’t you be mad if you invested yourself and your time with someone, then someone comes along behind you and reaps all the benefits from that person? That would honestly grind my gears.

But what is a true definition of a friend? Are we considering them as a friend in which we can call to talk? Or are we defining being friends with an ex as just being cordial? I personally think people sometimes intertwine the meaning of “friends” as cordial. I can’t imagine why you would want to call up your ex and start chatting it up unless there is some unfinished business. Or quite possibly, you still want there to be something there.

So my final answer to this age old question: No, you can’t be friends. For some reason, we were not meant to be together in a romantic relationship. So I don’t think we could be friends.  I do however, believe that we could be cordial. If I see you out in public, I will speak. Depending on my mood, if you post something on social media, I may post a comment. If someone asks me what happened, I wouldn’t bash your character. We can be cordial. But we can’t be friends. 

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Time Is Of The Essence

When it comes to relationships, I think that the amount of time you spend together is extremely important. Going on dates, asking questions, sitting at home doing nothing… all of it counts. But what happens when you spend years doing all of this and nothing happens?

I was talking to a friend today who had a harsh opinion about time frames in a relationship. He insisted that no matter how long you are with someone, it doesn’t matter.  As long as you love them. He’s with a woman for ten years on and off. They both dated other people when they weren’t together but somehow ended back together. But he just won’t make the next move to show her that she’s the one. He thinks there are other important things that he needs to take care of. But the time it takes to do it doesn’t matter.

My rebuttal: It shouldn’t take you that long to know if you love someone or if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. I mentioned that ten years plus on and off in a relationship was way too much time. A woman wants to know that she’s the one. A woman expects a man to show her that he loves her. A woman wants to feel like she’s the only important thing in a man’s life. She wants to know she adds value to a man’s life.

But the more time he offers, the more time he allows to pass by, the better chance he has of her growing tired. Her patience in waiting is going to be thin and no longer existent. She’s going to eventually get burned out on his maybe’s, his what if’s and possibilities of years from now. All because he didn’t value her time.

Us women know that there’s only so much you can tell men. As a friend, it hurts that I can only offer him the truth. It hurts even more to know what he probably won’t listen or believe that she values time and years as well as his heart.

She’s awesome. She’s awesome for him and she’s awesome enough to know that time is of the essence. Too bad he doesn’t see it.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?



Chapter 32-Page One

Last year was like one of those books that wasn’t all that great, but you finished it and kept going because you really had no choice.  I sat staring at my table, watching my computer for hours thinking of how to write the best blog I’d ever written for the New Year. But I’ll be honest. I haven’t quite been hit with the best ideas lately. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t have enjoyable moments in 2015. There were some great times and some heart breaking moments. I even rode on the struggle bus and the emotional roller coaster a few times. But I made it through and I’m stronger.

Let me point some positive moments:

1. A promotion at work. I’ve gained some pretty cool relationships at work that allows me to network more.  Opportunity for advancements sounds like music to my ears right now.

2. I moved into a new home. Love the feel of fresh carpet and the smell of paint.

3. I learned that Sunday School is where I should be every Sunday. I don’t know every solution as a Christian. But there’s a lot more for me to learn.

4. I learned my plan is just that, MY plan.

5. Two new tattoos.

6. I learned that “water under the bridge” sometimes floods your life but it just makes you think quickly and go into survival mode.

7. I cut my hair again and learned that it’s the best hairstyle for me. I’m about that short hair life!

8. Paid it forward whenever I had the opportunity and didn’t think twice about it.

9. Loved whole heartedly and put my guard down. (It wasn’t so bad).

10. I was able to to take a vacation during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year. I still have time that rolled over next year. Pure Awesomeness!

I wasn’t too excited about 2015 and am truly elated that I get another chance to do it over again in 2016. Not many of my goals were met for the previous year. But that’s ok. My number one thing to keep in mind is that I was blessed that God granted me more time. That’s all we can ask for, right? So here I am waving farewell to 2015 and greeting 2016 with open arms.

This is My Chapter 32, Page 1 of 365 in the book called Life. Some people, places and things will not be continued in Chapter 32. But it’s my prayer that God write better characters, expose me to new and better places and teach me new things in this chapter.

Happy New Year to each and every one of my family members, friends, readers and supporters. Let’s make 2016 an unforgettable book!

Settling For A Situationship

Situationships seem to be the trend these days. As my single friends and I converse it’s quite apparent how difficult it is to get in a relationship. Why that is?… Hmm… A mystery unsolved. Perhaps we (not all but most) have allowed situationships to actually suffice to make us happy. But are you truly happy?

You have this guy you’re talking to has his own place, you guys text every day, he takes you to lunch/dinner sometimes and maybe you get to  point where you sleep with him. But only on the weekends because during the week he’s too busy for you. But is that all that needs to be done to win your heart?

I discovered today when talking to a friend that sometimes we only tell a portion of the story so it doesn’t seem so bad. Her guy friend is nice looking, has a car, his own place, a job and only one child. I was sold! She was in fact almost winning with just those qualifications. Let me add that it’s almost sad that we have to set those qualifications. But back to the story. After a long investigation, she goes on to tell me that he never wanted to get married, have more children and that he felt comfortable with them just being sexual partners and nothing more. This was because he was currently digging someone else but he was unsure if that person would ever date him though.

Well the most positive thing out this was that he was completely honest. But after he said that, she convinced herself that that’s probably what she wanted to out of the deal. She said she was in her 30’s and getting older and her chances of marrying and having children are slimming by the day. That, my friends, is how some of these situationships start. She’s settling for something she doesn’t really want because she has someone to talk to and sleep with (some of the time). I don’t think that’s fair to her. But maybe we have to experience a real life situationship for us to know for sure if that’s what we want/don’t want.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Not Guilty Intentions or Desperate Intentions…But Unintentional!

I’m so elated that I received an unexpected text this morning. I haven’t talked to this person for about a year and a half. So when I received the text, it came as a major surprise.

To sum it up, the person expressed how I inspired them and mentioned their huge accomplishment. Their first book is coming soon. I smiled with joy as I had no idea that I’d unintentionally encouraged someone. It’s always my intention to write, motivate and inspire. But for it to come unknowingly, was a different type of feeling. I knew at that moment, my efforts had not gone unnoticed. I always said that if I could encourage or touch one person, then I could be on the right track to inspire even more.

I’ll be honest. There are times when I want to play the role of Negative Nelly and complain, gripe and groan. But I realize that everything isn’t all that bad and it can always be worse. But, this is just proof that people watch you no matter what you do or say. We have to be careful in how we live and speak in front of others. I could have said something to this very same person that was negative and could have deterred them from taking a big leap of faith to complete a big accomplishment.

Now, I do see another opportunity. Perhaps, I can strengthen my inspiration skills and encourage more individuals by staying in my Write Mind. The point here is to try to always be and or set an example because you never know who’s watching. Although people may not see the true struggle in pursuing your dreams. They don’t see the hard work, long hours, stress, money and patience. All they see is that you got it done. That’s unintentional inspiration!

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

P.S. Yes, the title was a intentional plug to purchase my books!

Pretty Red Exterior

Some cars have a pretty red exterior but the engine doesn’t function. At that point, what good is that car for if it only portrays a nice shiny color?

I was talking to one of my friends about his vehicle this morning. He explained that he feared that it would break down on him at any time. I was surprised that he was having trouble with this car. I had to ask if he had another car that I didn’t know about… If you were to look at the exterior of his car, you have no clue that it was on the verge of falling apart. The paint is nice, the fabric is clean and it has the new car smell. But under that hood.. Oh Boy! It’s a different story. I lost count of how many things he said was wrong with the car.

That’s how we are are as people. We look just fine on the outside. Our exterior is grand and we put on a front that we’re ok. Our skin is vibrant, illuminating and shimmery. But that doesn’t show how black our hearts are. This is another reason why we shouldn’t judge people based on how they look or dress. We can cover up with clothes and make-up. But eventually what’s killing us inside will eventually start to show.

I’ve run into people who feed off of comments of what they look like on the outside. They have every intention on making themselves look the best every morning. But what they don’t care to work on is how ugly their personality is. How can you expect someone to find you attractive if you treat people poorly?

What will eventually happen is the darkness of your heart will start to show on the outside. Just like a broken down car. It will start off as something small being wrong. You may try to cover it up or get a quick, cheap fix. But that quick fix will lead to something else going wrong. Then the next thing you know, something major will go wrong and it will break down.

Don’t be that car with a pretty red exterior with a jacked up engine. A non functioning car is of no use to anyone but the owner of a junk yard.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Independent Contractor

One of the joys of being single is that you get to do what you want and buy what you want, when you want. I don’t have to consult with anyone on any decisions, unless I need assistance making up my mind. The downfall is you have all these people who try to map out your life by what should be.

This past weekend was my birthday so I decided to make a few purchases. After one of my Facebook friends saw one of the gifts that I bought for myself, he mentioned that it’s a shame that I have to buy my own gifts. “You deserve someone who will buy you things for your birthday.”

I don’t see anything wrong with buying myself gifts. If I don’t spoil myself then no one else will. But I started to wonder why it even mattered so I asked. His response: I always see you doing everything by yourself. I think you show too much independence and maybe you probably don’t even know how to act if someone bought you something.

My face turned up in confusion. How can I show too much independence by buying myself gifts? Of course he had a response for this. Hey jokingly said, “I just think when women are independent for too long, it’s almost like second nature to take the lead and then they don’t know how to NOT be so independent. You should step back and allow a man to take care of you sometimes. I know you are single and maybe you aren’t even looking for someone. But I think we should at least find someone for you that can take on some of that independence from you.”

Keep in mind that he’s married so he’s completely out of touch with how dating goes. He probably meant well in his comments. But I’m not quite sure if I appreciate his view on my single life and why it deemed important enough to discuss. Everyone has an opinion about something though.

But, I do know for sure that I don’t agree with him suggesting that I need an independent contractor. What’s that? An independent contractor is someone who isn’t quite willing to be committed but I can call when I need/want something (a bill paid, lunch money, a new bag, etc).

It’s already difficult enough to meet someone who is worth my time. Meeting someone who has potential to be an independent contractor is even more difficult. I’m ok with buying my own gifts until someone is ready and willing to do it for me permanently. I’m not really seeking an independent contractor. I’m looking for a permanent partnership. I would rather have someone that can offer me something like time rather than money.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Life On Cruise Control

So I had a moment this morning while I on my way to work. As soon as I got off the freeway, I followed behind this man who was driving under the speed limit. He was just cruising along with no care in the world. Sunglasses on, windows down and arm rested on the door. My immediate reaction was “OMG. Why are your driving so slow? You can at least drive the speed limit!” Internally, I cussed him for a couple of blocks. As I sped past him, he never looked my way. He continued with the same posture going slowly toward his destination. He wasn’t worried about who sped past time. No cares given about what others thought.

After much thought, it must be nice not to rush. It must be nice to just enjoy the drive and the scenery without a care in the world. While the rest of us were rushing to get somewhere, he cruised on taking in every bit of second. It was almost as if he had the car on cruise control.

Some of us need to our lives on cruise control.  We rush to get to red lights. We rush to get there on time. We rush because we were unsuccessful with time management. I get anxious trying to figure out what’s next. I worry what will happen if I do this or if I do that. I know I’m not the only person who wants control over the future.

How about we stop worrying about what’s up ahead and face it when we get there? Just like those red lights on the roads, we’ll experience some of those. But that doesn’t mean we don’t get to continue on to our journeys.

Maybe that drive into work was to tell to put my life on cruise control and just ride out. I’ll eventually get to where I need to be. Perhaps it’s just not in the same fashion as others. But I’ll get there.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

We Gained A Legacy

I’ve kept quiet about this only because I’ve felt uneasy. I know it’s late. But truth is, that I’m really angry. When will this ever end? Every time something like this happens, there is always some type of proof of something else to take the attention off what really happened. She did this wrong. She did that wrong. She was this kind of person. She was that kind of person. What about what the police officer who did not follow correct procedures. What about the staff at the jail who did not follow correct procedures? I almost feel lost that justice will not be served because it’s their word against what really happened.

What’s real here is that she never should have been arrested. Police officers can do what the hell they want, say what the hell they want and break any law they feel. Seems like when police officers take an oath, it’s an automatic license to kill.

I’m not saying that all police are bad. But I do think that social media has allowed us to bring light to the corrupt system. We already knew the system was set up for us to fail. But with the assistance of social media, we can spread the word farther and faster.

Sandra Bland was my Soror. I may have not ever met her before, but she left behind a legacy. The cause of death was that she killed herself. It’s just a rumor that she killed herself with a trash bag. I refuse to believe that this woman all of a sudden took her own life.

I can only continue to pray for her family and friends. To our Sorors, we lost a sister but we gained a legacy left behind.

#SigmasStickTogether #SisterCircle #SandraSpeaks #JusticeForSandy