Confessions Of A Newlywed

I just had to let you guys know how blessed I am. Many times I heard about how marriage is not easy and it’s about the two of you and not just one person now. All which I have found to be true these few months. This support system that was created from this relationship has been nothing less than awesome.

Sometimes I just sit and stare because I still can’t believe that I’m married. It feels too good to be true. Yet, it’s as true as it gets. Hard to believe just a week before I met him, I was so stuck on being single forever.

While I am still a newlywed, there are a lot of things that are foreign and new to me. I was single for a while and doing things on my own for the longest. Didn’t have to answer to anyone. Never had to be responsible for another being. Someone else’s needs was not my concern. Opinions and decisions were 100% mine with the help of prayer to the big man. Being single was almost selfish at times.

That has been a huge pill I’ve swallowed almost every day. I’m not perfect. Nor am I the most perfect wife. I’m not only learning things about my husband everyday, but I’m learning things about myself as well. But the biggest thing… this thing that you guys call marriage is HARD. It’s taking me a while to get away from this single mind frame. But that’s ok. I realize that I’m not going to win “Wife OF The Year” over night. Although this is the most difficult task I’ve had to date, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Marriage… We’ve got this…. Bring it on!!!!!

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

 

Showing Thy Craziness To Get What You Want

Lately, I’ve noticed some women making extra attempts to get a man. But it’s not just any man. It’s men that are taken. Married men. Men that are in serious relationships. Men who belong to someone else.

One recent incident was one lady who went out of her way to like, comment and load the page up with flirty emojis. She even posted that he was her #MCM. Yes, she knew he was in a relationship as she was friends with her as well. I later found out she was being funny, trying to break up the relationship. She had a long standing crush on this man and was willing to do anything to get him.

Why is that we tend to want some things and some people we can’t have? I know we are taught to work for what you want. However, there are some things on your list that you just CAN NOT have…Maybe it’s just not in the plan. Perhaps its just not good for you or not a good fit.

Some of us want things just because it looks good. Not because we really want it. It’s only because it looks so appealing we just want a taste of it. But we know darn well, it’s not good for us.

In this case, he just wasn’t hers to have. If it was meant for you to have you would have it. You shouldn’t have to go out of your way and show thy craziness to get a man that isn’t yours.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Love Restrictions

So my co-worker thought he over heard me telling my old boss that I was engaged. If he was listening hard enough he would have really heard me say that I can see myself engaged soon.

Later that day, he randomly said “I heard you mention that you’re engaed. I don’t see a ring but I’m so happy for you. Aren’t things moving a little fast though?” I had to politely tell him we’ve been doing for six months, I didn’t have a ring on my finger becauseI’m not engaged.

He rudely replied “Well that’s good! I think six months is too short of a period to be engaged.” I’m sure you can imagine my face at this point. I was already irritated that he was being nosey.

I encouraged him not to be so nosey. I was surprised when my current boss chimed in and agreed. She told him that she and her husband only dated for 2 months before they were married. They’ve been married for 16 years. I wish you could have seen his face… Priceless!

But the point here is that love doesn’t have a specific timeframe. I know couples who dated a very long time and have been divorced the same amount of time. Even if I was engaged, it’s based on love. That’s it.

Society has set these standards for couples and love. I’m no expert. But love happens whenever it is supposed to. There isn’t a specific calendar that we are supposed to refer to. There isn’t an app that sends push notifications and reminders of where you should be in your relationship. If both of you are putting in 100% and love each other 200%, then I say go for it.

Whether it’s been 2 months/ 1 year or 5 years…. It’s up to that couple. Not some ridiculous ideal time frame that society has placed on us. Love freely with no time restrictions.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

You Got This

Lately, I’ve felt a little defeated. You know that feeling when you just want to give up all extras? I just wanted to do the minimum with no extra effort. There was no option of going above and beyond. I felt tired and overwhelmed.

Life itself is alot. We have good times, awesome memories, sad times and blank moments. I felt like I had more sad times and blank memories from trying to balance. Here I was trying to make sure I was doing Grade A corporate work. Not to mention me trying to take care of home, keep my man happy, podcast and write.

As items kept building on my plate, I just wanted to be awesome. I began to feel nervous. How? How was I going to accomplish all of this? What? What have I gotten myself into? Why? Why did I make these decisions?

The To Do List kept growing…. Work. Podcast. Writing. Relationship. Family. Home. I kept feeling like eff it. It’s not worth it. If I just give up some of these things, I can get a lot more done by focusing on one or two things.

But this voice kept whispering, “Keep going. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you. Just keep going.” Who is this and where did you come from? WHO SENT YOU? But after consideration, I thought, it was my own voice. My inner person telling me that I am destined to be great. A total badass. I’m ready to sprinkle some of that greatness amongst the world. So I wiped my tears, determined to be the best I can be. Better than I was yesterday.

Part of me wanted to keep quiet about this feeling. But this is part of my encouragement to you. There may be times when you just don’t have the energy. Mornings you just whisper “Not today Satan.” Nights when you’re weak from the day. Moments when you’re fearful of what’s to come. Decisions you’re scared to make because of the future. People who don’t support you. Co-workers who have no sense of team. Your significant other tap dancing on that last nerve. The clock running out of time. Evenings where you stare at the ceiling fan because you can’t sleep.

But with all of those feelings, advice to myself and you: You’re strong enough to get it done. You got this. 

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Sharing Is Not Caring

​I’ve had this happen to me before. But I’m witnessing this more often. If you call yourself talking, dating or kicking it with someone and are intimate, please don’t do the same thing with someone in their circle.

There’s no good that comes out of sleeping with people in the same circle. I’m confused on why are y’all (yes ya’all) out here sharing each other? When did that become an “in” thing?

If we talked and you call yourself hollering at one of my girls, you are now put on the “Slim list”. That’s gross. Some of these females are out here open arms and open legs. Most of them don’t care about your health let alone their own. Diseases spread fast. I’ll let y’all think about that one. 

That goes for the opposite side too. If you are in my circle and you knew I kicked it with someone and you go behind me, that let’s me know how grimey you are.

It is not cute. It is not atrractive. Nor should it make the opposite side smile because they want to be shared. Bottom line: Don’t talk to my friends if you talked to me. 

In this case, sharing is NOT caring. 
~Am I N_My_Write_Mind? 

The Rules Of Confiding

We need to be careful who we confide in. Yes, we all have those who we consider friends, family, close co-workers, etc. But we have to take a second look at whose extra set of ears we use. Those extra set of ears can easily become an extra headache in the future.

Watch out for Tit-For-Tatters. Some people keep what you are going through and  use it against your later. Let you make a mistake and make them upset and they will surely be quick to say, “Remember when you were…”

Tisk. Tisk to those Tit-For-Tatters.

Remember those who are silent. Those are the many don’t really care. It could be for several reasons. But the main reason is because it in no way, shape or form effects them. So why should they care to listen to what you have to say?

So long to those who lack empathy when it’s not impacting them.

You ever talk to someone and somehow they are the subject of the situation? Those are those others that care and turn it into it being about them. They won’t even allow you to finish your story without them interjecting with “You know that happened to me too”. Wait a second. I needed someone to listen.

Oh go on. Don’t let me stop you from telling me how you conveniently went through the same thing. *Slaps forehead.

I’m sure when you confide in someone, that means you want it to say between you two. Well multiple people who you confide in, tell such and such what happened. Yep. Don’t be so surprised. They have an urge to tell the world what you have going on.

But I bet they won’t share with the world their own.

Then there’s those who feed off of other people’s problems to make their life seem so grand. These people are all the above wrapped in one person. Sucks to be that awful person.

Oops. I forgot, their life is too grand to even care!

Only a few genuinely empathize and care to listen. No strings. No feeling of burden. No judgement. They just listen because that’s what you need… Those people. Confide in them. That is the rule of confiding.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

The Heart Of A Supporter

There’s been a growing amount of love activity going on around me. While I no longer believe in romantic love for myself, I still believe in love for others. I like everyone being in love and finding these mates.

Even watching the Olympics, husband of Hungarian swimmer, Katinka Hosszu melted my heart the way he rooted for his wife. While some thought he was a bit obsessive with his yelling, screaming and harsh motivational words, he still has the heart of a supporter. That’s definitely more than what most can say they get from their significant others.

I was glancing over my IG feed and one post caught my eye. “I’m wondering if he loves me because he doesn’t support my endeavors.” Pause. Wait.What? You mean to tell me that you thought about it long enough to even post it? Publicly? I wanted DM her right away and tell her, “Nope. He sure doesn’t.”

I know what it’s like to have someone not believe in you. Instead of me getting upset, it actually just lit a fire in my behind. I worked harder to reach my goal. Even after he told me it couldn’t be done. I had these ideas and I would ask him his opinion from a male perspective. He would sometimes ignore my requests or he would simply say he didn’t care. How rude?!! But what’s even more rude? I wrote not one but two books without his help or support.

What’s a mate who isn’t there for moral support? What’s a friend that doesn’t like anything positive going on in your life? What’s a family member who is always negative and doesn’t think any ideas will work, even if you know in your heart, it’s the right thing? Vaguely, it would be just a negative person. But in our terms, it is a HATER. Someone who doesn’t want to see you doing better than them or doesn’t like the fact that you want more and see more out of life.

Let’s say you have a business and post it on social media. You ask them to repost because that could potentially reach an audience you don’t have. But they say no because they don’t want people in your business. It will cause drama if people found out you dated… Ut ummm *clears that… There’s something wrong right this picture. It shouldn’t matter who will know if you are dating if it isn’t a problem. Your relationship business should be the secret. YOU shouldn’t be the secret. Ladies and gentlemen, listen to me, please. If you are dating someone and they don’t support the positive things in your life, you need to rethink that relationship.

Let’s pretend you ask them to to go with you to a networking event. You know it could turn into a date night and a business opportunity. They say they’d rather stay in the house and chill because anything that has to do with your business plan is just not their thing… Red flag. If you’re in a relationship with me, my business is my thing therefore, it’s now your thing too.

What I’m trying to get at here, is if you are going to be in a relationship, you shouldn’t have to question their support in your endeavors. Your partner should have so much support that there should be no doubt or question if they are into you. Be into someone with a heart of supporter.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Time Is Of The Essence

When it comes to relationships, I think that the amount of time you spend together is extremely important. Going on dates, asking questions, sitting at home doing nothing… all of it counts. But what happens when you spend years doing all of this and nothing happens?

I was talking to a friend today who had a harsh opinion about time frames in a relationship. He insisted that no matter how long you are with someone, it doesn’t matter.  As long as you love them. He’s with a woman for ten years on and off. They both dated other people when they weren’t together but somehow ended back together. But he just won’t make the next move to show her that she’s the one. He thinks there are other important things that he needs to take care of. But the time it takes to do it doesn’t matter.

My rebuttal: It shouldn’t take you that long to know if you love someone or if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. I mentioned that ten years plus on and off in a relationship was way too much time. A woman wants to know that she’s the one. A woman expects a man to show her that he loves her. A woman wants to feel like she’s the only important thing in a man’s life. She wants to know she adds value to a man’s life.

But the more time he offers, the more time he allows to pass by, the better chance he has of her growing tired. Her patience in waiting is going to be thin and no longer existent. She’s going to eventually get burned out on his maybe’s, his what if’s and possibilities of years from now. All because he didn’t value her time.

Us women know that there’s only so much you can tell men. As a friend, it hurts that I can only offer him the truth. It hurts even more to know what he probably won’t listen or believe that she values time and years as well as his heart.

She’s awesome. She’s awesome for him and she’s awesome enough to know that time is of the essence. Too bad he doesn’t see it.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

 

 

Chapter 32-Page One

Last year was like one of those books that wasn’t all that great, but you finished it and kept going because you really had no choice.  I sat staring at my table, watching my computer for hours thinking of how to write the best blog I’d ever written for the New Year. But I’ll be honest. I haven’t quite been hit with the best ideas lately. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t have enjoyable moments in 2015. There were some great times and some heart breaking moments. I even rode on the struggle bus and the emotional roller coaster a few times. But I made it through and I’m stronger.

Let me point some positive moments:

1. A promotion at work. I’ve gained some pretty cool relationships at work that allows me to network more.  Opportunity for advancements sounds like music to my ears right now.

2. I moved into a new home. Love the feel of fresh carpet and the smell of paint.

3. I learned that Sunday School is where I should be every Sunday. I don’t know every solution as a Christian. But there’s a lot more for me to learn.

4. I learned my plan is just that, MY plan.

5. Two new tattoos.

6. I learned that “water under the bridge” sometimes floods your life but it just makes you think quickly and go into survival mode.

7. I cut my hair again and learned that it’s the best hairstyle for me. I’m about that short hair life!

8. Paid it forward whenever I had the opportunity and didn’t think twice about it.

9. Loved whole heartedly and put my guard down. (It wasn’t so bad).

10. I was able to to take a vacation during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year. I still have time that rolled over next year. Pure Awesomeness!

I wasn’t too excited about 2015 and am truly elated that I get another chance to do it over again in 2016. Not many of my goals were met for the previous year. But that’s ok. My number one thing to keep in mind is that I was blessed that God granted me more time. That’s all we can ask for, right? So here I am waving farewell to 2015 and greeting 2016 with open arms.

This is My Chapter 32, Page 1 of 365 in the book called Life. Some people, places and things will not be continued in Chapter 32. But it’s my prayer that God write better characters, expose me to new and better places and teach me new things in this chapter.

Happy New Year to each and every one of my family members, friends, readers and supporters. Let’s make 2016 an unforgettable book!

Settling For A Situationship

Situationships seem to be the trend these days. As my single friends and I converse it’s quite apparent how difficult it is to get in a relationship. Why that is?… Hmm… A mystery unsolved. Perhaps we (not all but most) have allowed situationships to actually suffice to make us happy. But are you truly happy?

You have this guy you’re talking to has his own place, you guys text every day, he takes you to lunch/dinner sometimes and maybe you get to  point where you sleep with him. But only on the weekends because during the week he’s too busy for you. But is that all that needs to be done to win your heart?

I discovered today when talking to a friend that sometimes we only tell a portion of the story so it doesn’t seem so bad. Her guy friend is nice looking, has a car, his own place, a job and only one child. I was sold! She was in fact almost winning with just those qualifications. Let me add that it’s almost sad that we have to set those qualifications. But back to the story. After a long investigation, she goes on to tell me that he never wanted to get married, have more children and that he felt comfortable with them just being sexual partners and nothing more. This was because he was currently digging someone else but he was unsure if that person would ever date him though.

Well the most positive thing out this was that he was completely honest. But after he said that, she convinced herself that that’s probably what she wanted to out of the deal. She said she was in her 30’s and getting older and her chances of marrying and having children are slimming by the day. That, my friends, is how some of these situationships start. She’s settling for something she doesn’t really want because she has someone to talk to and sleep with (some of the time). I don’t think that’s fair to her. But maybe we have to experience a real life situationship for us to know for sure if that’s what we want/don’t want.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?