I Have All The Answers

For some reason, I get these feelings that I need to check on people. It’s always this gut feeling or urgency to call people when I’m thinking about them. The other day, I got this feeling to FaceTime my friend and check in on her. So I did just that.

I knew it! Sure enough it was something wrong. She had been stressed from work, had a small breakdown and exhausted with no energy. In the absence of her boss, she was taking on two jobs instead of one. Senior leadership put her in charge and everyone sought her for all the answers and solutions. She found herself working long hours, leaving no room for relaxation at home. While the pressure was on, the stress level was rising.

So after our discussion, I thought about everything we go through. It was simple. We try to take on so much in life. Work, home, marriage, children, church and whatever else we have going on. People come to us because they know we will get it done. We make ways when there is no clear path in site. Sometimes we just make it up as we go.

Why? What’s the reason for this? We are left with all the responsibilities and sometimes nothing to work with. But we do it. Because that’s what others expect. The answer could be because we are strong. That may seem like reality. However…. gosh darn it, we don’t know all the answers.

I can’t speak for every woman. But most of us depend on prayer. That’s it. PRAYER. Then we wait. We wait for Him to tell us what to do. We sit back and watch Him work it out.

So it’s not us. Sure, we are put a little work in. We make moves based on what’s best for our families. But ultimately, WE don’t have all the answers.

Trust me. There’s no law that says you have to. It’s ok not to know all the answers.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

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Giving Up Because Priorities Change

We all know that priorities change based on where you are in life. On Saturday, my husband and I had a conversation with someone about this very topic. The person in the conversation had the grand question of when we would have children. Then this morning, the same topic was on the radio. The wife was divorcing the husband because he now wanted children and she did not. She gave up fighting for what she wanted.

Shouldn’t something like this be a conversation before you decide to get married? I’m sure the important question, “Do you want children?” was asked in the very beginning. Or if you want children, “How many kids do you want?” They both said no children. But for some reason that answer changed for the husband in this situation.

In my situation, my husband already had two children before me. He was leery of having more. He was concerned of the cost of raising a child. I, on the other hand, came with no children. I wanted at least two. After discussing and weighing our pros and cons, WE made the decision that we’re going for at least one. Surprisingly, my husband came back and said he wanted to try for two.

But this conversation happened in the beginning. Both of us were open to each other’s thoughts and concerns and was able to compromise. This was our decision.

Now the question at hand is when we plan to try. I know what you are thinking. “You’re married. You can start anytime. What’s the hold up?” Yeah, I know.

My husband is all about starting immediately. Can you believe it? This came after him not wanting anymore at all. So now all of a sudden he wants to start as soon as possible. I’ll keep his reasoning to us and just say his priorities have changed. But I’m adamant in saying not right now. Before you turn your head side ways and agree with him, hear me out.

Yes, we are already married. We eloped but we are still having a public ceremony in March 2018. I’ve already purchased a dress and have all the plans in the works. So just like everyone else, I would love to enjoy my own wedding. I would also like to enjoy our first year of marriage with just the two of us. But the biggest concern was for him to wait six months to a year. Who wants to be pregnant and close to labor at a wedding? I just don’t see that enjoyable.

For the past few months, I have been convincing my husband to follow suit. At the same time, he has been busy trying to convince me that right now is the time. We often joke about our different views. But it keeps us on our toes in being open to each other’s wants and needs.

In a relationship, your perspective changes. Your goals change. Each other’s needs and wants change. Which then leads to your priorities changing.  But that doesn’t mean give up because of difference of opinion.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Confessions Of A Newlywed

I just had to let you guys know how blessed I am. Many times I heard about how marriage is not easy and it’s about the two of you and not just one person now. All which I have found to be true these few months. This support system that was created from this relationship has been nothing less than awesome.

Sometimes I just sit and stare because I still can’t believe that I’m married. It feels too good to be true. Yet, it’s as true as it gets. Hard to believe just a week before I met him, I was so stuck on being single forever.

While I am still a newlywed, there are a lot of things that are foreign and new to me. I was single for a while and doing things on my own for the longest. Didn’t have to answer to anyone. Never had to be responsible for another being. Someone else’s needs was not my concern. Opinions and decisions were 100% mine with the help of prayer to the big man. Being single was almost selfish at times.

That has been a huge pill I’ve swallowed almost every day. I’m not perfect. Nor am I the most perfect wife. I’m not only learning things about my husband everyday, but I’m learning things about myself as well. But the biggest thing… this thing that you guys call marriage is HARD. It’s taking me a while to get away from this single mind frame. But that’s ok. I realize that I’m not going to win “Wife OF The Year” over night. Although this is the most difficult task I’ve had to date, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Marriage… We’ve got this…. Bring it on!!!!!

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

 

Showing Thy Craziness To Get What You Want

Lately, I’ve noticed some women making extra attempts to get a man. But it’s not just any man. It’s men that are taken. Married men. Men that are in serious relationships. Men who belong to someone else.

One recent incident was one lady who went out of her way to like, comment and load the page up with flirty emojis. She even posted that he was her #MCM. Yes, she knew he was in a relationship as she was friends with her as well. I later found out she was being funny, trying to break up the relationship. She had a long standing crush on this man and was willing to do anything to get him.

Why is that we tend to want some things and some people we can’t have? I know we are taught to work for what you want. However, there are some things on your list that you just CAN NOT have…Maybe it’s just not in the plan. Perhaps its just not good for you or not a good fit.

Some of us want things just because it looks good. Not because we really want it. It’s only because it looks so appealing we just want a taste of it. But we know darn well, it’s not good for us.

In this case, he just wasn’t hers to have. If it was meant for you to have you would have it. You shouldn’t have to go out of your way and show thy craziness to get a man that isn’t yours.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Love Restrictions

So my co-worker thought he over heard me telling my old boss that I was engaged. If he was listening hard enough he would have really heard me say that I can see myself engaged soon.

Later that day, he randomly said “I heard you mention that you’re engaed. I don’t see a ring but I’m so happy for you. Aren’t things moving a little fast though?” I had to politely tell him we’ve been doing for six months, I didn’t have a ring on my finger becauseI’m not engaged.

He rudely replied “Well that’s good! I think six months is too short of a period to be engaged.” I’m sure you can imagine my face at this point. I was already irritated that he was being nosey.

I encouraged him not to be so nosey. I was surprised when my current boss chimed in and agreed. She told him that she and her husband only dated for 2 months before they were married. They’ve been married for 16 years. I wish you could have seen his face… Priceless!

But the point here is that love doesn’t have a specific timeframe. I know couples who dated a very long time and have been divorced the same amount of time. Even if I was engaged, it’s based on love. That’s it.

Society has set these standards for couples and love. I’m no expert. But love happens whenever it is supposed to. There isn’t a specific calendar that we are supposed to refer to. There isn’t an app that sends push notifications and reminders of where you should be in your relationship. If both of you are putting in 100% and love each other 200%, then I say go for it.

Whether it’s been 2 months/ 1 year or 5 years…. It’s up to that couple. Not some ridiculous ideal time frame that society has placed on us. Love freely with no time restrictions.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

You Got This

Lately, I’ve felt a little defeated. You know that feeling when you just want to give up all extras? I just wanted to do the minimum with no extra effort. There was no option of going above and beyond. I felt tired and overwhelmed.

Life itself is alot. We have good times, awesome memories, sad times and blank moments. I felt like I had more sad times and blank memories from trying to balance. Here I was trying to make sure I was doing Grade A corporate work. Not to mention me trying to take care of home, keep my man happy, podcast and write.

As items kept building on my plate, I just wanted to be awesome. I began to feel nervous. How? How was I going to accomplish all of this? What? What have I gotten myself into? Why? Why did I make these decisions?

The To Do List kept growing…. Work. Podcast. Writing. Relationship. Family. Home. I kept feeling like eff it. It’s not worth it. If I just give up some of these things, I can get a lot more done by focusing on one or two things.

But this voice kept whispering, “Keep going. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you. Just keep going.” Who is this and where did you come from? WHO SENT YOU? But after consideration, I thought, it was my own voice. My inner person telling me that I am destined to be great. A total badass. I’m ready to sprinkle some of that greatness amongst the world. So I wiped my tears, determined to be the best I can be. Better than I was yesterday.

Part of me wanted to keep quiet about this feeling. But this is part of my encouragement to you. There may be times when you just don’t have the energy. Mornings you just whisper “Not today Satan.” Nights when you’re weak from the day. Moments when you’re fearful of what’s to come. Decisions you’re scared to make because of the future. People who don’t support you. Co-workers who have no sense of team. Your significant other tap dancing on that last nerve. The clock running out of time. Evenings where you stare at the ceiling fan because you can’t sleep.

But with all of those feelings, advice to myself and you: You’re strong enough to get it done. You got this. 

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Sharing Is Not Caring

​I’ve had this happen to me before. But I’m witnessing this more often. If you call yourself talking, dating or kicking it with someone and are intimate, please don’t do the same thing with someone in their circle.

There’s no good that comes out of sleeping with people in the same circle. I’m confused on why are y’all (yes ya’all) out here sharing each other? When did that become an “in” thing?

If we talked and you call yourself hollering at one of my girls, you are now put on the “Slim list”. That’s gross. Some of these females are out here open arms and open legs. Most of them don’t care about your health let alone their own. Diseases spread fast. I’ll let y’all think about that one. 

That goes for the opposite side too. If you are in my circle and you knew I kicked it with someone and you go behind me, that let’s me know how grimey you are.

It is not cute. It is not atrractive. Nor should it make the opposite side smile because they want to be shared. Bottom line: Don’t talk to my friends if you talked to me. 

In this case, sharing is NOT caring. 
~Am I N_My_Write_Mind? 

The Rules Of Confiding

We need to be careful who we confide in. Yes, we all have those who we consider friends, family, close co-workers, etc. But we have to take a second look at whose extra set of ears we use. Those extra set of ears can easily become an extra headache in the future.

Watch out for Tit-For-Tatters. Some people keep what you are going through and  use it against your later. Let you make a mistake and make them upset and they will surely be quick to say, “Remember when you were…”

Tisk. Tisk to those Tit-For-Tatters.

Remember those who are silent. Those are the many don’t really care. It could be for several reasons. But the main reason is because it in no way, shape or form effects them. So why should they care to listen to what you have to say?

So long to those who lack empathy when it’s not impacting them.

You ever talk to someone and somehow they are the subject of the situation? Those are those others that care and turn it into it being about them. They won’t even allow you to finish your story without them interjecting with “You know that happened to me too”. Wait a second. I needed someone to listen.

Oh go on. Don’t let me stop you from telling me how you conveniently went through the same thing. *Slaps forehead.

I’m sure when you confide in someone, that means you want it to say between you two. Well multiple people who you confide in, tell such and such what happened. Yep. Don’t be so surprised. They have an urge to tell the world what you have going on.

But I bet they won’t share with the world their own.

Then there’s those who feed off of other people’s problems to make their life seem so grand. These people are all the above wrapped in one person. Sucks to be that awful person.

Oops. I forgot, their life is too grand to even care!

Only a few genuinely empathize and care to listen. No strings. No feeling of burden. No judgement. They just listen because that’s what you need… Those people. Confide in them. That is the rule of confiding.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

The Heart Of A Supporter

There’s been a growing amount of love activity going on around me. While I no longer believe in romantic love for myself, I still believe in love for others. I like everyone being in love and finding these mates.

Even watching the Olympics, husband of Hungarian swimmer, Katinka Hosszu melted my heart the way he rooted for his wife. While some thought he was a bit obsessive with his yelling, screaming and harsh motivational words, he still has the heart of a supporter. That’s definitely more than what most can say they get from their significant others.

I was glancing over my IG feed and one post caught my eye. “I’m wondering if he loves me because he doesn’t support my endeavors.” Pause. Wait.What? You mean to tell me that you thought about it long enough to even post it? Publicly? I wanted DM her right away and tell her, “Nope. He sure doesn’t.”

I know what it’s like to have someone not believe in you. Instead of me getting upset, it actually just lit a fire in my behind. I worked harder to reach my goal. Even after he told me it couldn’t be done. I had these ideas and I would ask him his opinion from a male perspective. He would sometimes ignore my requests or he would simply say he didn’t care. How rude?!! But what’s even more rude? I wrote not one but two books without his help or support.

What’s a mate who isn’t there for moral support? What’s a friend that doesn’t like anything positive going on in your life? What’s a family member who is always negative and doesn’t think any ideas will work, even if you know in your heart, it’s the right thing? Vaguely, it would be just a negative person. But in our terms, it is a HATER. Someone who doesn’t want to see you doing better than them or doesn’t like the fact that you want more and see more out of life.

Let’s say you have a business and post it on social media. You ask them to repost because that could potentially reach an audience you don’t have. But they say no because they don’t want people in your business. It will cause drama if people found out you dated… Ut ummm *clears that… There’s something wrong right this picture. It shouldn’t matter who will know if you are dating if it isn’t a problem. Your relationship business should be the secret. YOU shouldn’t be the secret. Ladies and gentlemen, listen to me, please. If you are dating someone and they don’t support the positive things in your life, you need to rethink that relationship.

Let’s pretend you ask them to to go with you to a networking event. You know it could turn into a date night and a business opportunity. They say they’d rather stay in the house and chill because anything that has to do with your business plan is just not their thing… Red flag. If you’re in a relationship with me, my business is my thing therefore, it’s now your thing too.

What I’m trying to get at here, is if you are going to be in a relationship, you shouldn’t have to question their support in your endeavors. Your partner should have so much support that there should be no doubt or question if they are into you. Be into someone with a heart of supporter.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Why We Can’t Be Friends

I was talking to a woman today about exes. She asked me why an ex and I couldn’t be friends. My simple response: He doesn’t know how to let go and just be friends. She then asked the mysterious question that has been lurking for years: Can you be friends with an ex? She followed up with: I most definitely can be friends with an ex. But what I can’t do is see them with someone else…

Wait, what? Pause there for a second… You mean to tell me that you can remain friends with someone that you’ve shared feelings, moments, memories and have been intimate with? But you would be hurt if they were doing all of those things with someone else?

Well that to me seems like its a “if I can’t have them, then no one will” moment. I’mont sure if I would go that far to say that. But it does tells me that you can’t truly be over someone if you can’t see them with another person. Which ultimately tells me that you can’t be friends with an ex if you still have feelings for them. Then I thought a step further. Wouldn’t you be mad if you invested yourself and your time with someone, then someone comes along behind you and reaps all the benefits from that person? That would honestly grind my gears.

But what is a true definition of a friend? Are we considering them as a friend in which we can call to talk? Or are we defining being friends with an ex as just being cordial? I personally think people sometimes intertwine the meaning of “friends” as cordial. I can’t imagine why you would want to call up your ex and start chatting it up unless there is some unfinished business. Or quite possibly, you still want there to be something there.

So my final answer to this age old question: No, you can’t be friends. For some reason, we were not meant to be together in a romantic relationship. So I don’t think we could be friends.  I do however, believe that we could be cordial. If I see you out in public, I will speak. Depending on my mood, if you post something on social media, I may post a comment. If someone asks me what happened, I wouldn’t bash your character. We can be cordial. But we can’t be friends. 

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?