Why We Can’t Be Friends

I was talking to a woman today about exes. She asked me why an ex and I couldn’t be friends. My simple response: He doesn’t know how to let go and just be friends. She then asked the mysterious question that has been lurking for years: Can you be friends with an ex? She followed up with: I most definitely can be friends with an ex. But what I can’t do is see them with someone else…

Wait, what? Pause there for a second… You mean to tell me that you can remain friends with someone that you’ve shared feelings, moments, memories and have been intimate with? But you would be hurt if they were doing all of those things with someone else?

Well that to me seems like its a “if I can’t have them, then no one will” moment. I’mont sure if I would go that far to say that. But it does tells me that you can’t truly be over someone if you can’t see them with another person. Which ultimately tells me that you can’t be friends with an ex if you still have feelings for them. Then I thought a step further. Wouldn’t you be mad if you invested yourself and your time with someone, then someone comes along behind you and reaps all the benefits from that person? That would honestly grind my gears.

But what is a true definition of a friend? Are we considering them as a friend in which we can call to talk? Or are we defining being friends with an ex as just being cordial? I personally think people sometimes intertwine the meaning of “friends” as cordial. I can’t imagine why you would want to call up your ex and start chatting it up unless there is some unfinished business. Or quite possibly, you still want there to be something there.

So my final answer to this age old question: No, you can’t be friends. For some reason, we were not meant to be together in a romantic relationship. So I don’t think we could be friends.  I do however, believe that we could be cordial. If I see you out in public, I will speak. Depending on my mood, if you post something on social media, I may post a comment. If someone asks me what happened, I wouldn’t bash your character. We can be cordial. But we can’t be friends. 

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

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Time Is Of The Essence

When it comes to relationships, I think that the amount of time you spend together is extremely important. Going on dates, asking questions, sitting at home doing nothing… all of it counts. But what happens when you spend years doing all of this and nothing happens?

I was talking to a friend today who had a harsh opinion about time frames in a relationship. He insisted that no matter how long you are with someone, it doesn’t matter.  As long as you love them. He’s with a woman for ten years on and off. They both dated other people when they weren’t together but somehow ended back together. But he just won’t make the next move to show her that she’s the one. He thinks there are other important things that he needs to take care of. But the time it takes to do it doesn’t matter.

My rebuttal: It shouldn’t take you that long to know if you love someone or if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. I mentioned that ten years plus on and off in a relationship was way too much time. A woman wants to know that she’s the one. A woman expects a man to show her that he loves her. A woman wants to feel like she’s the only important thing in a man’s life. She wants to know she adds value to a man’s life.

But the more time he offers, the more time he allows to pass by, the better chance he has of her growing tired. Her patience in waiting is going to be thin and no longer existent. She’s going to eventually get burned out on his maybe’s, his what if’s and possibilities of years from now. All because he didn’t value her time.

Us women know that there’s only so much you can tell men. As a friend, it hurts that I can only offer him the truth. It hurts even more to know what he probably won’t listen or believe that she values time and years as well as his heart.

She’s awesome. She’s awesome for him and she’s awesome enough to know that time is of the essence. Too bad he doesn’t see it.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

 

 

Chapter 32-Page One

Last year was like one of those books that wasn’t all that great, but you finished it and kept going because you really had no choice.  I sat staring at my table, watching my computer for hours thinking of how to write the best blog I’d ever written for the New Year. But I’ll be honest. I haven’t quite been hit with the best ideas lately. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t have enjoyable moments in 2015. There were some great times and some heart breaking moments. I even rode on the struggle bus and the emotional roller coaster a few times. But I made it through and I’m stronger.

Let me point some positive moments:

1. A promotion at work. I’ve gained some pretty cool relationships at work that allows me to network more.  Opportunity for advancements sounds like music to my ears right now.

2. I moved into a new home. Love the feel of fresh carpet and the smell of paint.

3. I learned that Sunday School is where I should be every Sunday. I don’t know every solution as a Christian. But there’s a lot more for me to learn.

4. I learned my plan is just that, MY plan.

5. Two new tattoos.

6. I learned that “water under the bridge” sometimes floods your life but it just makes you think quickly and go into survival mode.

7. I cut my hair again and learned that it’s the best hairstyle for me. I’m about that short hair life!

8. Paid it forward whenever I had the opportunity and didn’t think twice about it.

9. Loved whole heartedly and put my guard down. (It wasn’t so bad).

10. I was able to to take a vacation during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year. I still have time that rolled over next year. Pure Awesomeness!

I wasn’t too excited about 2015 and am truly elated that I get another chance to do it over again in 2016. Not many of my goals were met for the previous year. But that’s ok. My number one thing to keep in mind is that I was blessed that God granted me more time. That’s all we can ask for, right? So here I am waving farewell to 2015 and greeting 2016 with open arms.

This is My Chapter 32, Page 1 of 365 in the book called Life. Some people, places and things will not be continued in Chapter 32. But it’s my prayer that God write better characters, expose me to new and better places and teach me new things in this chapter.

Happy New Year to each and every one of my family members, friends, readers and supporters. Let’s make 2016 an unforgettable book!