The Value of Weight

So, it seems that my weight has kept me from dating certain people. I learned that I was friend zoned because my weight was the one and only issue. We have been friends for quite a long time, but this showed that my weight was valued more than a genuine friendship. At first I was a little hurt at the thought that my weight has been viewed as hinderance. But after five minutes, I bounced back. No matter how much I weigh, I’m still the same person that they laughed with. I’m still the same person they called when they need to vent. I’m still the same person who they called for favors. I am not nor do I desire to be anyone’s secret.

It’s not a surprise that I eat. Yes, I prefer ice cream over my veggies. But that does not mean that my life is less meaningful because I carry a higher number of fat than the next. It just means that weight reflects my expert tastebuds. I am not saying that I don’t want to or can’t loose weight. What I am saying is that my weight does not define me.

Being over weight has been a difficult journey my entire life. There’s nothing that I haven’t heard in my 30 years of life. “She’s so cute for a big girl.” “You still feel comfortable doing that with your weight and all?” Blah, blah, blah. I’m use to people assuming that I’m lazy, don’t like nice things and that I’m a bland girl because I’m fat. The look on their faces when they get to know me after they’ve already judged is quite priceless.

My weight can be corrected. But a bland personality and narrow mind can not. It’s a sad case that it went unseen. But it’s currently their issue to deal with and not mine.I am a fat girl. My weight is only a number. I know who I am and I know what I’m not. But my weight does carry more value than who I am as a person.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Dirty Laundry? What Do You Do With It?

I think this is more of a public service announcement than a blog. Ladies and gents: What happens with your relationships should stay between the two of you. Whether it’s between an ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, ex-friend or even a family member you’ve disassociated with, keep it between you.

This morning, I saw post that said something like “My child’s father isn’t what he pretends to be. He’s triffling, he lied about having a high school diploma and likes men on the side. He pretends to be happy in his marriage but secretly texts me that he wants me back. He cheated on his wife with me and one of his friends a few times.”   I’m sure after I read it, I had the “snuggle face” and immediately followed by the “pee-yew!” face.

I had all kinds of thoughts on this post. But I kept my thoughts for the blog. But why tell the entire world this? What good has it done? I actually see this person in a different light. Not someone I would want to trust (not that I trusted them before). But definitely not someone I would trust now to be my friend. Although she said all of this, I’m not looking at him awkwardly, I’m looking at her awkwardly. If he was such a bad person, then why stay with him and have a baby? If I’m not mistaken, I thought they were about to get married. But that’s not the point. The point was that she publicly posted all of this information that she meant as negatively toward him. However, it was more negative toward her.

Just because you are upset, hurt or disappointed, it doesn’t mean that you are entitled to air the other person’s dirty laundry. Using social media, e-mails or texts to “get back” at someone is just not a proper answer to repairing your hurt. In fact, I think it does an injustice to you more than it does to them.

Society will take your information and eat you up. Meaning airing dirty laundry will only come back to bite you in the butt. Social media is set up to take what you wrote and make it their own. Although you may erase it after the fact, it can be recalled and captured. It never goes away. It won’t even be about who you originally wrote about, it will become about you and who you are.

So what do you do with your dirty laundry? Keep it between yourselves. Let’s work on not airing the dirty laundry for the sake of your own name, reputation and character.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

I Miss My Honey: The Opportunity For Compromise

Someone I know is in a long distance relationship. She came to me and I was unsure if she was asking for advice or if she just wanted me to agree with her. It was unclear but I believe she just wanted to speak with me since I’d been in a long distance relationship before.

Her boyfriend called and said he wanted her drive and meet her halfway. The drive is  two and a half hours. Not a bad drive at all. They hand’t seen each other in three weeks. She told him no and if he wanted to see her, then he would have to drive all the way. She was unwilling to meet him halfway. All while she was telling me the story, I ran into question overload. Why wasn’t she willing to meet him halfway?

He didn’t do anything wrong. She wasn’t mad at him. There was nothing wrong with her car. He would have given her gas money. But yet, she still was persistent with saying no. Her reasoning was because it was the man’s job to come where the woman was. She was so wrapped up in the man doing all the work. Perhaps she didn’t want the relationship to work as much as he did. There could also be some underlying issues there as well.

I couldn’t imagine saying no to my boyfriend if we were long distance. It’s bad enough that they are’t close. They could try to eliminate the inconvenience and the “I miss you” factor had there been compromise. Does she not miss him?

It’s so unfair to men. Sometimes, we as women don’t think we have to meet men halfway. My long distance relationship didn’t work because we lacked that compromise. If I had to do it all over again (I don’t think I will), then I would be willing to meet him halfway. If it was me, then I would drop everything and at least meet him half way. I’m sure I would miss my honey! Sounds like she just missed her opportunity for compromise.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Lack of Enjoyment and Bad Experiences

This post is definitely not about food! But I have to share my thought process. So, I love to try new food. I will try most thing once just to say I tried it. I will always share my thoughts on if I thought it was gross or good. A few years ago I had a terrible experience with Boston Market. People would always recommend the restaurant or rant about how good it is. However, no matter how many times someone said how good it was, it never made me want to put down my guard and give it another try.

I don’t eat red meat or pork and someone mentioned that I should try Boston Market’s turkey. Again, I gave them this stern look with my nose turned up. This was all because I had a bad experience and it left a terrible taste in my mouth. I refused to spend my money on something I thought was gross and horrible service. But the person that was saying it, encouraged me to give it a try. I trust what they say but I was afraid to take that leap.

Today, I just so happen to drive by one and saw a sign about a special they had. I found myself turning into the parking lot. I said a little prayer before I stepped in. Let’s just say, I took a deep breath at what I saw. The employees were pleasant and I ordered the turkey while still praying about this food. I went home and enjoyed a dinner and thought about how I’d been missing out.

The point here is that we tend to let certain experiences hinder us from the big picture and enjoying the real joys of life. I judged the entire restaurant chain on one experience. Unknowingly, I realized I don’t overlook the small things often. I tend to back away from situations where I feel it may become a bigger issue. We can’t allow one bad experience to stop us from enjoying the greater experiences!

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Flirting For Fun!

Of course love seems is the air around Valentine’s Day. We are two days away and I have no Valentine. But I’ve been in a flirting mood. I’ve flirted quite a lot recently. To those that have tried to converse but, I gave them the cold shoulder, to those oldies but goodies I use to date and to those that I was once even nervous about talking to. That feeling of being scared was all of a sudden lifted. I told myself “What the hell? Go for it.” I enjoy flirting. It brings smiles, laughs and conversation all with a bunch of batting eyelashes moments. Of course a girl should want to flirt!

But… you knew there was a but coming… I was a little uncomfortable with someone flirting with me that is married. At first I didn’t think anything about it because I thought he was just being a little friendly. But it was that one comment that made me say “Umrph” in my Scooby Doo voice. “No more conversations with him.” I have a feeling if I continued to say more than just good morning or good afternoon, he’ll cross those lines and say something really inappropriate and out of pocket.

I’m pro flirting when everyone involved is single. I wouldn’t want to be one of those home wreckers because I decided to flirt. I flirt for fun and don’t always have the intention on going any further than conversation. Then I thought about me flirting. I wondered if I was giving the wrong impression or making someone else feel uncomfortable when flirting.

Although I’ve never had a guy say that he was uncomfortable with me flirting, I think I have to evaluate my flirting and with who. Do you flirt for fun or only with people you want to pursue?

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Go Be Ugly By Yourself

It’s weird that I saw a few posts in the last couple days about the word ugly. Some people use it when they are upset at someone as a way to kinda win the argument. Some people actually meant someone was physically unattractive.

The statement “you’re ugly” has so many meanings. But lately I found MYSELF calling other people ugly not for looks but because of their spirits. You can be the most beautiful woman or handsome man on the outside. Your fashion and dress can be the meaning of fashionista. But when you have an ugly spirit, all of the outside appearance means nothing.

Someone questioned why I didn’t continue to talk to this guy who they thought was really nice. Key word… They thought he was nice. After I said “Well, he’s just too ugly for me.” They gave me this confused look. I then explained that although he looked really nice on the outside, he was bland with no personality and had the nerve to be quite shallow. In the few conversations we did have, he constantly gave the impression that women were beneath him and that I could be his “project”.

I think I do quite well for myself and don’t need/ desire to be anyone’s project but God’s project.  He made it seem like he was the best thing that happened to me. I had to let him down hard. I pretty much told him to get over himself and that I refuse to feed into his shallow mean spirit. That was the end of that conversation.

Don’t fall into being with ugly people just for the sake of having someone. We all deserve beauty. This goes for men and women. Hands down, I would rather date someone who was physically unattractive with a great heart, kind and with a beautiful spirit over someone who is pretty easy on the eyes but is also so shallow, mean spirited, a jerk, deceitful and devilish. If you’re ugly, I just don’t have time to waste trying to make you into a beautiful person. Be ugly by yourself.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Night On The Town While Single

This weekend was the Employee Appreciation Gala. This year I wasn’t really feeling it and wasn’t as hype as I had been in the past. I think it was because I’d taken all of my friends, allowed them to experience it and wanted to take a guy as my date. But it was so stressful trying to get a date that would even agree to the terms of “formal wear.” I mean is it really that difficult and too much to ask for just to put a suite, or tie and dress shoes? Men create an invisible issue to dress up for once in their lives. There was my light bulb moment… If they weren’t willing to do just that simple thing for me, then is it really worth me wasting my time still trying to convince them to have a great night with me for once? Nope. Sure isn’t.

So taking a date just didn’t happen this year. I took my best friend as my date. My blog “Securing Dates While Still Single” I highlighted that my support comes from my friends. Let me just say that I had a blast with my friends. Just me and my girls laughing, eating, dancing and people watching. It made me realize that although it would be nice to have the same experience with a guy, it’s less stress and even more convenient to enjoy my time with my girls.

And by the way, I received a few text messages saying “You looked really nice. I should have been your date,” “Looks like you had a good time.I guess I missed out,” and “I could have been your arm piece for the night.”

This experience forced me to think about just who I’ve been dating. I just can’t front and say dating is easy. It’s one of the most difficult tasks to take on. But it’s these dating experiences that assist me with ruling out what isn’t right for me, what I prefer and what I don’t like. I’m much appreciative of these nights on the town while single! So sorry not sorry guys. But if was meant for you to be my date then you would have been. Maybe, just maybe, I got a little tickled that it’s come down to this…Lovely Nights On The Town While Single

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Swallowing That Difficult Pill

This week, I’ve noticed that I’ve given out quite a few pieces of advice. Good advice, if I say so myself. I never have a problem helping others or dissecting an issue to determine a solution. My issue is that after I give my two cents, I then try to apply it to my own life. For example, I told someone this week, although we are sometimes weak, we have to keep going no matter how much we hurt.

The difficulty in this is practicing what I preach. I can tell and guide someone else all day long. I always plan on allowing my audio to match my video. Then the problem of actually carrying out the same words I just told someone else.

I truly understand this and I definitely try to live by this. But why is so hard to do? It came easy to let the words roll off my tongue to someone else. But when I felt weak in a situation I’m going through, I had to literally go back to my own words and tell myself over and over what those words truly meant.

I had to ask myself why was it easier to tell someone else. But when it came to me, it was just so difficult. Maybe because it’s easier to analyze from the outside rather than the inside. It felt like it was rocket science. I just couldn’t grasp the concept.

So from this lesson, I’m learning to take my own advice. What a large pill to swallow! But if it can heal me, it’s so worth to take it.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Should Have, Could Have, Would Have

Allow me to be open with how I’ve felt this past week. My blood pressure rose, my appetite vanished and my mood changed. All because I was stressed about absolutely nothing. When it’s all said and done, I was worried about something that really had no meaning. It just wasn’t meant for me to be a part of the situation like I wanted.

Stress seems like it’s permanently part of my life. It doesn’t even necessarily have to be stress about a bad thing. I tend to stress about being nervous when it comes to good news. Stress, anxiousness and impatience are all part of the same formula. But they are dangerous when they all happen at the same time.

Let me try to give you a visual. “I wonder when…What if? Who will? Where is? How do I?” All of these followed by repeated follow-up questions. Stressful just reading those, right?”

Maybe this has been you before. We have to learn to just let things be. If it is, it will. If it’s not, then it won’t. I know I get to a point when I try to force things, just because I think it should happen when I say it should. Well that’s not really how things work.

It’s nothing new. We know what we are supposed to think. But it’s more difficult to do than to say…We can’t stress what could have been. If it should have been, then it would have been.

~Am I N_My_Write_MInd?

Own Who You Are

Why don’t we want to own up to who we are? Why wish that we were a totally different person? God made us what we are supposed to be. It is our responsibility to own up to exactly who we are. Example, I am a writer and an avid reader. I prefer not to get caught up in the television drama. All of my friends on the other hand are reality tv experts. I’m always the odd ball in the conversations and sometimes feel lost because I have no clue what they are talking about. I get blank stares from others when I say I don’t watch tv. But it is who I am. I own up that I’m quite nerdy when it comes to tv.

There’s this certain comment that has been bothering me for a while. “I wish I was like that.” Then it was followed by “I dream of being like her.” At that moment, the only words of advice I had was to not wish she was like anyone but herself. Sure there are characteristics we prefer over others. There are items that others have that we wished we possessed. It is true that the grass may be greener on the other side. We have to stop and think what they did to ensure their grass was green and nicely manicured.

But we can not look at anyone else and just plain wish it was us in that position. The struggle is hidden. We don’t know what someone has gone through to get what they have. Also everyone has flaws. When you wish to be someone else, perhaps you are asking to take up their flaws as well. We should take our flaws and allow ourselves to build on those flaws. This is the perfect opportunity for personal growth.

My hope is that more people would own up to exactly who and what they are.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?