It really bothers me that I’m so easily bothered and sensitive. My mom told me I was strong. However, sometimes, I don’t feel so strong. Lately, I find myself having a few laughs when deep down I really want to cry. A chuckle here and and chuckle there and I’m ok. No tears.
My heart and mind have boxing rematches. My heart says it needs a release of pressure by crying while my mind says absolutely not. My mind wins most of the time!
I rarely cry. But when I do, it’s because it’s so much built up anger and overflow of emotion. Then, there it is. It just comes out of no where without any notice. This is when I find myself wiping my tears away so quickly because I don’t want the waterworks to continue for too long.
Earlier someone told me that tears are just words the heart can’t say.This is true. But my way of saying what’s on my heart is through my written words. Maybe I need to find a different method.
But let me tell you why I won’t cry… There’s so much that has happened up to this point in my life that I know crying will not solve any of it. Usually when you cry, you are thinking about something or someone. I try try not to think about it or them. When my eyes start to fill with tears, I take a deep breath, tell myself that it’s not worth the energy and start to think about something else.
Although my heart may be burning, I use that fire energy toward something else that is meaningful. I may be bothered by a person’s action or an incident, but I refuse to give into negative energy that will make me cry.
The reason I won’t cry is because silence is always a person’s loudest cry. When I’m silent, I’m really crying inside. But I’d rather smile than cry any day.
~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?