Change of Plans

I had this certain goal in mind. Step by step, I had plans to get this goal accomplished. But as of today, I haven’t reached my goal. What a bummer.

My discouragement came from me wanting to reach my goal by the first plan I envisioned. It can be a great loss of confidence when your initial vision doesn’t go as planned. Self doubt is real, but so is determination. I am determined to reach this goal!

I needed some guidance. So I turned to one of my old journals to see if I had written anything about goals. Ah ha! Those old journals do come in handy. My fingers almost instantly turned to the page I rummaged for. As soon as I saw it, I remembered writing “If the plan doesn’t work, change the plan but not the overall goal.”

That’s it. I think I was originally bummed because I’d put all this time into making this full proof plan work. Then at the end it didn’t work. However, now when I think about it, if I want it done right, I have to take my time, change my method and keep it moving.

Just as I was on the brink of just giving up, I received that one ounce of boost I needed to keep going. Yes, I’ll have to put more time into this new plan. That doesn’t mean that I won’t reach my goal, I just had to take a detour. So, there’s been a change of plans. But I’m ok with that because I’ve learned what doesn’t work.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Why I Won’t Cry

It really bothers me that I’m so easily bothered and sensitive. My mom told me I was strong. However, sometimes, I don’t feel so strong. Lately, I find myself having a few laughs when deep down I really want to cry. A chuckle here and and chuckle there and I’m ok. No tears.

My heart and mind have boxing rematches. My heart says it needs a release of pressure by crying while my mind says absolutely not. My mind wins most of the time!

I rarely cry. But when I do, it’s because it’s so much built up anger and overflow of emotion. Then, there it is. It just comes out of no where without any notice. This is when I find myself wiping my tears away so quickly because I don’t want the waterworks to continue for too long.

Earlier someone told me that tears are just words the heart can’t say.This is true. But my way of saying what’s on my heart is through my written words. Maybe I need to find a different method.

But let me tell you why I won’t cry… There’s so much that has happened up to this point in my life that I know crying will not solve any of it. Usually when you cry, you are thinking about something or someone. I try try not to think about it or them. When my eyes start to fill with tears, I take a deep breath, tell myself that it’s not worth the energy and start to think about something else.

Although my heart may be burning, I use that fire energy toward something else that is meaningful. I may be bothered by a person’s action or an incident, but I refuse to give into negative energy that will make me cry.

The reason I won’t cry is because silence is always a person’s loudest cry. When I’m silent, I’m really crying inside. But I’d rather smile than cry any day.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

The Power of Saying No

My friend mentioned something that didn’t seem like a big deal at first. But after thinking about it, I think it’s a great deal. She said she needed to work on saying “no” more often. What did she mean by that? Well the idea came from her not having a firm way of saying no to people when she didn’t want to do something.

Example: Co-worker you really don’t talk to asks you to go to lunch. Her response would be “umm I have a lot of work to do. I’ll just stay here and get caught up.” The issue here would be that she really doesn’t have a lot of work. She just didn’t know how to say no.

We don’t always have to give people a reason when we say no. We always want to justify why we are saying no. But this comes from people wanting us to say yes and we feel bad if we say no. We think that adding a rational reason for the answer no, then it goes over a little easier with the requestor.

Saying “no thank you” should be good enough. “No thank you” sounds a little more positive than just “no”. But no means no. If we don’t want to participate, do something, give something or whatever it is, we should be able to say no. But people seem offended when we just say no.

Our only obligation is to do things that will make us happy and things that interests us. If it doesn’t make you happy or you just aren’t interested, then the answer should be “no”. There is a lot of power in saying no to those things and people that don’t line up with what we want to do.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

The Opposite of Needy

Have you ever had someone upset at you because you DON’T need them? Quite the opposite of someone being bothered because you are needy.

Example: You’re not pressed to spend time with someone on their schedule, you don’t wait around for someone to take action and you make moves on your own. But then you have that person that wants to come around when they want to. But when you show your nonchalant attitude, they become bothered because you didn’t jump when they said jump.

I’m one of those people that will not apologize for being busy. My goal is to keep myself busy with a balance of God (prayer and study), writing, work and any other extracurricular activity that may be going on. If a project, party, get together, job, person, etc., is important to me then I will make sure I do it. That’s part of that “people spend time and money on what they want” concept I keep telling you about.

The same with people. I’m not in the business of needing a person’s time or attention. I’m also not in the business being a needy person. When people show me that they don’t want to be bothered, its a best practice to back away. If you ask for space, I will give you double what you asked for.

Being upset because you want someone to be needy is unrealistic. This is because expecting others to always work on your terms doesn’t work all the time. You shouldn’t be bothered because someone isn’t needy. It should be the opposite.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

The Price of Time

I find myself saying the same things to different people. “People spend time and money when and how they want.”You have to be tired of hearing me say it. But it’s true.

If I’m spending my time doing something, then you can be assured it’s because I WANT to. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized that time management is imperative. The more time you waste, the more you lose.

With that said, time is expensive but priceless at the same time. Time is free. It costs nothing out of pocket for time. Its already given to us to spend wisely. But the issue comes when we waste what we have. When someone asks for our time, we have to do a better job of disbursing it wisely.

I use to just give away time as if I had all the time in the world. Well that was before I realized that other people will waste your time. This is because they haven’t learned to manage theirs so they need another person’s time to waste as well.

Our personal time does not come with an actual price tag attached. It comes with actual value which is something we can’t put a trivial or material price on it. That’s true value.

As I wrote in another post, we have to think about value in people or things. Is asking for my time bringing value to either you or me? If the answer is no then the answer will also be no when asking for a moment of my time.

Keep in mind once you spend time, you can’t get it back. My time can’t be returned with a receipt and I can’t just ask for a refund.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Forgetting Points

Today’s conversation comes from the concept of forgive and forget. I ran across some great advice. There is only one step for forgiving and forgetting (just do it). I’ve always thought forgetting was impossible or on the more difficult task. How do you forget actions and people? I don’t think you can just easily forget.

But suppose there are some things that we can never forget throughout our lives. Imagine that remembering will help us in the forgiving department. I look at it as learning who NOT to deal with in the future. We should also learn what NOT to do the next time.

We can’t forget those who helped us in difficult times. Who was there with you when times were difficult? Those are the ones that will have your back even more when times and situations become more ideal. I wouldn’t want someone around only to celebrate the good times, when they didn’t understand the struggle during the hard times. If you supported me from the beginning, saw my struggle, encouraged me and helped me, then you deserve to celebrate with me.

There’s also those that left during difficult times. We can’t forget them either. It separates the strong from the light weights. Remembering those who weren’t strong enough to hold on is essential for recognizing those who were. Let me say that this doesn’t mean that everyone that leaves us, is their fault. Sometimes WE make it difficult for people to stick around. We treat them any kind of way or ask of them more than what we would do ourselves. At that point, then they deserve to leave. No one should stick around a situation where they are not getting what they are willing to give.

With that being said, we can’t forget those that put us in difficult times. They don’t get all the credit for lessons learned. But they sure are a big part of it. Blame shouldn’t be a factor. But in some situations, they are at least 50% of the blame. In those cases, we are too blame as well. I truly and honestly, believe we are to blame for 95% of our difficult times. The choices we make can either keep us from something or get us into something. It’s all about choices and it’s always a choice to continue to deal with people that put us in difficult times.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Desire and Value

Some of the best life lessons come from those most difficult situations. It may take us a few times to get it or a longer time during the storm to learn the lesson. But in the end, it’s a lesson learned.

One of my lessons was learning the difference between desire and value. Just because something or someone seems desirable, doesn’t mean that it’s for us. Settling for the least just because we want it, doesn’t do us any good. The same with people. Just because the dialogue shows that they desire you, it doesn’t mean that they value you.

We see something or someone and we say in the back of our heads “Ooh, I want that,” or “Ooh I want them.” But if we really think about it, do we really want it/them?” I would say 7 out of 10 times, our eyes are bigger than what we can handle.

Let me be quite honest and frank, if what you are desiring or if someone desires you, think about what part of it you are desiring or what they desire about you. The question is “Is this adding value to my life?” If it’s a person that says they desire you, ask yourself “Do they value me, my time, my views and my character?” If the answer is no to any of those, then it is just desire.

From experience, I had to learn to surround myself with those people that value me, who can add value to my purpose. Then if it’s something or someone I desired, I learned to evaluate if what I desired about them or it was essentially beneficial to me. If the answer was no, then there was no point in me pursuing. I had to let it go.

Surround yourself with things and people who hold and add value and not just desire.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Just In Case- Relationship Insurance

I’m pretty closed about my “love life” or lack there of. I’m not a relationship expert and can only speak on my own experiences. Talking about it, is a step up for me and I struggle with making decisions on what to say and what not to say. But here goes nothing…

When we’re single, we all have that one we can go back to just in case it doesn’t work out with someone else. It’s that one person you can always call and pretend nothing happened and pick up right where you left off. All because we want that security to go back to (human security blanket).

Recently, I had a conversation with an ex that stirred up a little controversy. He’s busy with his business and asked me to allow him time to “fit me in” as he wanted to get situated with his business. My answer was NO. I’d waited long enough. If I actually told you how long, you’d think I was crazy so I’ll leave that part out. But the point is, he asked me to wait even longer. Again my answer is no and I’m pretty firm on this decision.

The issue came up when he said he was upset that I’d indicated that I was seeing someone else. Whether I am or not, I couldn’t understand why he was upset. While he’s getting his business together he’s just a little too busy than what I’m willing to deal with. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I extremely happy that he’s successful with his business. I just don’t see the point in me waiting for something I know that will not happen. A relationship requires time and he just doesn’t have it.

I asked my friend if I was being a little harsh. I even expressed that I felt bad that he was upset. However, I truly did not understand why I was bothered. We aren’t together. We haven’t been together in a while and I hadn’t planned on us getting back together. Perhaps I was bothered because I’d given so much time before and it almost felt like it was time wasted. My friend responded by saying it seemed like he and I kept each other around just in case.

“Hmph!” Followed by a few eye rolls.

But I think she is right. Why keep someone around for just in case? It’s almost as if we hold a spot in each other’s lives as relationship insurance. But this type of insurance is definitely not beneficial and needs to be cancelled.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Cold Temps, Warm Hearts

I don’t have much to give. I live comfortably and often don’t have too much to splurge, but still there are no complaints. Even though there are some things that I’ve had my eye on for a while, I still manage to get by without them.

I believe today’s high temperature was 6 degrees and the low was -10. Yes -10 that feelsore like -20 degrees. Before work, I caught myself being a grouch that I had to warm my car up. I absolutely dreaded going outside, prying my car door open and then coming back inside to wait for it to warm up.

But it was during my drive that I realized I had no right to be grouchy. Yes it sucks that I have to get up early to warm my car. But what about those that don’t even have a car to warm up? What about those that don’t even have a place to go to stay warm? (Insert praise break). Thank you for the little things such as a thermostat!
Because of this, I decided that although I don’t have a lot, I had to do something.I bought a bundle of hats and gloves. As the cashier rang me up, she gave me this blank stare. Maybe its because she had to individually scan them all. I didn’t care. I was on a mission to pass them out to someone who is less fortunate than me. No one deserves to be homeless and cold with no where to go.

My prayer is that other people will follow and so the same. The temperature may be on North Pole, but our hearts should be as warm as this fireplace.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Old School Bliss

I was discussing my blog with someone earlier today and they mentioned writing in their diary. It reminded me of when I carried a journal in my purse. No matter what I was going through, I made time to jot down my thoughts. There was even a period when I recapped my day and recorded it in my journal. 

Although we are in a technology era, I kinda miss those days when I wrote. I reflected on some of my thoughts and instantly felt bliss. Finding happiness in the small things is what I live for. This for sure brought on a smile and a stamp on my heart.

I rummaged through my books and found one of my old journals. This old bent, torn and worn out journal holds a great value. It’s filled with motivational quotes and scriptures. These small words keep me on track on what my purpose actually is.

There’s a huge possibility that I may go back to that old fashioned hand writing in my journal. Things change with time, but sometimes going back to the old school method works just as good. 

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?