In February, I wrote a blog about being unapologetic for being selfish. Welp, months later I still feel the same way. Except now it’s more of being unapologetic to actually carrying out the act of being selfish and doing what I want.
Let me explain… I’ve been emotional about almost any and everything lately. I’m not asking for someone to console me it’s evident that some people don’t care about any person’s feelings but theirs. But one thing is for sure, I have to get out of this mentality of thinking for everyone else. Every one does not think the same way I do. To add to that not everything I do and say will be right. However, I’m no longer giving in just to make other people happy.
I’ve made too many decisions based on keeping other people’s feelings mind. It’s so clear that the people I thought were important are not and had no intentions on caring what I did and how I did it. There are just some people who will never understand what you go through and if it doesn’t effect them, they don’t care. But it boils down to me worrying about myself and making decisions for myself.
I’ve battled making all kinds of decisions whether large or small. No matter the size of a decision, I always think about how it will effect those in my circle. One example is one of those decisions was to stay in Indy. “It will be better if you stay.” Or “You don’t really want/need to do that.” But it’s only convenient because they want me to stay for selfish reasons. It’s very evident that if I decided to pick up and go it will only upset those same people who pretend to care. Not because they really will care that I moved. But they will be upset that I won’t be able to do for them if I was stay.
I say this to say that I recognize that people pretend how important I may be to them. But conversations, text messages and interactions tell the real truth as to how they feel about you. I’d rather for people to be up front about what they care for and what they don’t. I don’t really engage in beating around the bush. Actions. Communication. Consistency.
Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m growing into a “No cares given” mentality. I can’t really be definite about what direction I’m going. But I can be definite about recognizing who and what I’m unapologetic about.
~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?
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