I Will Ruin You- Character Analysis

I just read a status that said “I have information that will ruin you”. That’s a real life threat… I read it as be “You better be nice to me or I’ll tell.” Sounds like someone is having a bad day. That threat isn’t nice at all. Is the benefit of ruining someone else pay more than ruining your own reputation as a good friend? If someone told me something in confidence and I trusted them that much, I would pray that I wouldn’t be so angry to tell the world something that could “ruin them”. No matter what they did or said, it doesn’t amount to the integrity you should already hold.

What does that say about your character? Whatever information you have may just hurt them at that moment. But I’m sure you would feel like some sort of snitch afterwards. Where I’m from, snitches get stitches. So all while you are ranting on about something so hurtful, I bet the guilt and embarrassment of being a snitch will hurt you even more.

Did you ever think that, they once thought of you as a friend to even tell you? So even if you aren’t friends anymore, it would be clear what kind of person you are to future patrons. I’ve lost a lot of people that I called friends but I will always wear a badge of honor that says “You’re secret is safe with me.” Just because that is the right thing to do.

We have to start lifting people and not tearing them down. We have to be careful who we trust and who we tell things to. Maybe they did hurt you and you can no longer salvage that relationship. But that does not give you the right to go tell the world what they told you in confidence. Anger will make people do crazy things.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

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Aren’t We Too Old To Be Playing House?

I overheard someone ask if she was too old to be playing house with her boyfriend. My silent response: Absolutely.

I mean really? Come on. I understand there are some people that prefer not to get married. They like having “permanent roommates.” That is perfectly fine if that’s what the both of you want. But if you are the only one signed up with the intention of getting married and he did it just to make things easier, I think this is a conversation you should be having. Clearly the both of you are on different pages.

You’ve signed your name on a mortgage and a car note with someone you planned on being together. Why not make it mandatory that you get married and make it official?

I’m not a fan of shacking. I cringe at the words “Let’s move in together.” Is that truly the next step nowadays? To me it seems more common than not. Call me old school. I thought it was friends, courting/dating, engagement, marriage and then move into together somewhere between engagement and marriage.

But who am I? I just thought if she had to ask herself that question then the answer would be yes. Yes, you are too old to be playing house. We played house as children. Once you’ve reached the point of making conscious decisions, then the idea of playing house should not be an option.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Bestow Forgiveness

You ever really deep inside try to forgive someone but their repeated actions make it difficult? What about trying to forgive AND forget?! You want to move on but they just keep egging you on. Bitter, battered and brutal and yet they still want you to accompany them in their misery. I won’t apologize for not wanting to participate in your petty feast. Just when you think it’s over, here they come again with their same story and excuses. It’s not only tiresome but it’s emotionally draining.

Dealing with already difficult people makes forgiving and forgetting comparable to rocket science. I just don’t get it. I’ve learned that you have to just pray for people. Pray that they acknowledge their actions and become better. Pray that God finds it in your own heart to forgive and the strength/power to forget.

My own personal struggle is that I find it so hard to forgive certain people. Then they turn around and do the same thing. I have to take that as they really aren’t sorry and they probably have so much hurt that you can’t look past themselves and accept the forgiveness I bestowed upon them.

This is one of those situations where actions speak louder than words. I’ve decided that I may be weird in my approach. You can’t just tell me you’re sorry. I have to see it. I have to be able to see it with my own eyes. Otherwise “I’m sorry” are just another two words from the dictionary. If you’re truly sorry, you will show it.

Until then, how do I find it in my heart to bestow forgiveness?

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

The Nosey Factor

There are a lot of things I go through.  I try not to stress, complain or even tell the world each detail of my problems. But yet, the point of blogging (well my purpose) is therapy. By writing I’m able to cope with the uprisings and downfalls of life.  However, it’s difficult to blog while keeping a positive view on my world and not telling ALL of my business.  I want to tell the world of when I have bad moments and more so good moments. My issue is I want to make sure I don’t spill the beans on my entire life story. Somethings I just have to keep to myself and God. I wanted to post a blog at least once a day. However, I find it difficult when I have an encounter with someone and I don’t want them to be offended that I talked about our situation. Or what about my love life (sometimes non existent). I would rather not tell the world of our rollercoaster we call “dating”. 

Then there’s always that nosey factor. People may read your blog, follow you and befriend you on social media just to be nosey. They try to read you and learn all about your life by rumaging through your statuses, photos and blogs. The nosey, unkind individuals will use what you post and try to turn it into what isn’t. You may post “Today was an awesom day”. Then the nosey crowd comes and tries to explain why they thought you said “Today was a horrible day.”…….Trust me it happens. I’ve had someone follow me and tell someone almost an entire year of my life based off what they saw on social media. The sad part is the person they were telling the information to…. well, they were close to me and knew that the life I had with this person pieced together was truly fictional. It was clear that they only knew me in the cyber world and had never had a conversation with me. They were just being nosey and I’m assuming had nothing better to do than make up fictional events and thoughts about my life.

The point is, you can’t get to know someone by what they post of social media. While I may post my random thoughts, questions and events, it’s not a place where you can truly get to know me. I don’t always post about my life situations. I may post about my thoughts on someone else’s situation. But every little detail will not be disclosed. As a blogger/writer, I ahve to keep some details out. It just goes with the territory.

My life is more than what I post on my blog, my website, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Is Your Criticism Effective?

Im a writer. My purpose is to entertain with words by telling a story. If I haven’t entertained then I’m not doing my job right. My purpose would be null and void. I’m always in search of ways to make myself better. If I’m not finding potential flaws and work on them then I’m not growing. I certainly do not want to reach a plateau of not not growing.

With that being said, I’m very open and accepting of people giving me feedback. What ever they say may potentially make me a better person and or writer. I’ve heard through the grapevine that some weren’t too fond of my book “It’s too raunchy” or “she self published so it must not be good” and “she’s supposed to be a Christian”… blah blah blah. Now all of that is hearsay because no one has actually said them to my face. I could address each of those comments individually. However I made the decision to do what I want, how I want and when I want. Preference of entertainment is based on each one’s likings.

Just recently I had someone walk up to me and tell me they didn’t finish the book because they were bored after the fifth chapter. Now I was thinking to myself “That’s really when you get into character character building“. But I let him go on and on about what audience he thought I should appeal to and what kind of characters he liked. Ok sir you’ve stated you weren’t interested. But I then asked “Well what do you think was missing? What made you think you were bored?” He couldn’t give me an answer.  He stood there in silence and shrugged his shoulders.

I was hoping he would give me this profound explaination about what he didn’t like and some type of suggestion to make things “more interesting”. So then I decided this is not very good feedback. This isn’t effective criticism. He couldn’t give me a valid reason as to why he didn’t like it. I accepted that he was in pure dislike of my book. But I just couldn’t accept that he had no explaination.

I yearn for effective criticism. I know not everyone is going to like what I do or how I do it. That’s not even humanly possible for everyone to be fond of what I do. But I would expect if you have the intention of giving someone feedback that you would at least include an acceptable explaination of why. A why would allow me to work on a solution to how.. how to make it better.

So for future, I respect and accept feedback along with thumbs down. But I would appreciate the thumbs down with a clear reason of why the thumbs down. Just because doesn’t work for me as effective criticism.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Why Are you Still Single?

What a great post and I thank you for inviting me to guest blog…. here are my thoughts:

I believe the main reason I am single is because God isn’t ready for me to take that next step. There are days when I have my moments. Sometimes I want to be single and sometimes I want to be in a relationship. Depends on the day and where I’m at in life.

I am 29, single with no children. I like you have my own social life, a job, my own home, a car and working on making my writing career an empire. I have everything and can bring so much to a relationship. I believe I’m ready to make that next step and being in a relationship. However, God may be thinking there’s probably something else in my life that I may have to get in order before he brings me my king.

I’m single because I’m learning to follow God’s lead and not my own. I want nothing more than to have a family. But I think He’s still preparing me and whoever he hand picked to be my mate.

I would rather live my single life and patiently wait for the right man to find me than for me to rush into something that was not God’s will.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

mochalovegoddess


Why are you still single ?
This is a question that I have been asked frequently and one that I try to avoid at all costs. I notice that my male friends don’t get asked this question half as much as my female friends. It makes me feel some kind of way (for lack of a better word) that society and people in general place negative connotations on being a single female. While I can not speak for every single female for myself at this point in my life being in a relationship has no appeal to me. I all ready have 2 beautiful kids, a vivacious 17 year old sister, I pay all of my own bills, and as far as a social life I have close knit, well cultured, girlfriends and a family and church family that keep me laughing. Working out, clearing this skin and picking scrapbooking…

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Do You Love Me?

I was in deep conversation with an associate when I thought about this question. She said she didn’t think the guy she was dating really loved her but she was unsure. He never said that he didn’t and he never expressed that he did. The interesting factor was she then added “I’m sure he loves me. He just has a hard time expressing it. I think his way of showing is by buying me things.”

Has love become materialistic? Are we in a place where love is expressed through money and not through actions and or words? It might be a mystery but its also a known fact that men and women think differently. His method of buying her things could very well mean that he loves her. I don’t really know him to know if that’s just him or not. But I also know that showing someone you love them shouldn’t be questionable.

I’m far from a relationship expert. Heck, I’m worlds away. But it’s my opinion that we shouldn’t have to ask if someone loves us. The doubt factor is not hard to prove wrong in relationships. You can’t love someone a little. You either love them or you don’t. I’m not fond of the phrase “It’s complicated.” What’s so complicated about it? You either love me or you don’t. If you do, then show me by saying so and then back it up with actions. Words can only take you so far before you are questioned to prove if what you say is true.  

My solution to the question is if they truly make you happy. If you are happy with your situation then by all means stay there. But are you in a place where you dislike everything they do and say. Does the mere thought of them make you angry? Do you go days or weeks without speaking? Or do you understand each other? Do you talk? Do you spend time together? Do you work together in making decisions? All of these factors go into if you love someone.

I would also go a little further and say this is a conversation they should be having. If you are dating, then question the future. Are you dating me for a future or are you dating me for the now?  She should also be questioning herself and if she makes him happy. What is she doing to make him happy? I guarantee that communication would make their relationship even stronger.

There are a lot more but the bottom line is if you have to question it then it probably just isn’t there.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Comment: The Gateway Button To Hurt Feelings

You remember when you were told if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all? Our parents and elders repeatedly told us this but we never really paid attention. Today as I was scrolling through some posts on social media and I realized that we and yes I said “we” can be inappropriately cruel to one another.

Cyber cruelty is on a totally different scale than in person cruelty. Our cruelness is turned up a few notches for several different reasons. The main reason is because we can fool ourselves into being more mighty than we actually are. Secondly, we can reach a broader audience using social media than in person. What does this mean? It’s spread faster than the realistic speed of light. Which in return, is more mighty than traditionally spreading the word.

I read an article about a young girl who posted something about the world being 2014 years old. People, who had no idea who she was, were commenting on her post which was not clearly thought out. One of the less harsh and mild comments included something like “dumb, ignorant ass black girl”. I was bothered by this comment not because it seemed just a tad bit racist. But because apparently she wasn’t black. They had no idea what race she was but instead they commented.

Does this make them just as naive as she is? She made an unreasonable comment then a stranger posts and even more foolish comment. Social media mixed with the comment button is a gateway people getting their feelings hurt. It’s like a cycle. First, someone posts on their own page. Second, other people start to unwind all their day’s anger and opinion on someone else’s posts. Then the cyber world is stirred up by a ruckus from strangers being angry.

We don’t have to like or agree with everything people say. Heck, there are way too many factors that affect our thought processes for us to agree with every post. We just can’t agree 100% of what people post.

After all I thought social media was where people can be themselves but with minimal filters. Right? So why don’t we light up on the comment button? Save it for spreading good word instead of putting strangers down because you don’t agree.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Is It Jealousy Or Competition?

We all know that honesty can be quite hurtful. Today, I had to tell someone the truth and I’m sure my words may have stung a little. But as I wrote, I promised to be nothing less than honest in my words in 2014. Well, here we are January 1, 2014 and I’m already going full throttle on my vision board. Honesty.

Here’s some background… Someone told me that they weren’t a jealous person but they may have been a little jealous for a second toward someone they use to date. Both agreed that they were single and both also agreed that they could work toward being together again. Now this conversation happened a few months ago. However, the truth of the matter is that they are both in the same place they were a few months ago.

My response to their jealousy remark: “Why be jealous? The only real competition you have is yourself.  If you were doing everything you were supposed to do to keep them then there shouldn’t be any doubt in your mind about what they were doing and you being jealous.”

Key word here? Competition. I find it hard to say that they were actually jealous. I’m not a doctor but I’ve taken it upon myself and diagnosed them with the “I just realized that there could be some type of competition for someone I want and I’m a little upset that I messed my chance up” syndrome. Yes, I have made up my own diagnosis but that’s what it’s called. After you realize that there is a possible competitor, think about who the real competitor is. Yourself.

It’s not jealousy at all. It’s simply a vision of realness. You have that quick Oh sh!t moment. Those type of moments are jealousy. Just based on the mere fact that they questioned the other person is a symptom of this syndrome. If you want to be with someone, you should be doing everything you can. Excuses leave the door open for a possible competitor to come in. This my friend is a fear of losing what you already lost.

Get out of your own way and eliminate the competition.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?