For some reason I believe that writing this will make my heartache feel better. While it may not be healed at this very moment, at least writing will take some of the sting away.
I take any kind of relationship seriously. My relationship with God, family, friendships and even companionships are ALL just as serious as the next. Everyone has those select few who they deem priveleged enough to hold a relationship with them. Not so much family but the other relationships.
This seems to be a friendship lost. A few weeks ago, one of my closest friends and I had a disagreement. At the time, I was under the impression that the disagreement was over. We had our words and we moved on. We’re like sisters. Of course we may disagree and fight. But at the end of the day we’re still friends. I thought maybe she just needed some time to come around. Maybe she distanced herself just to reflect on our friendship.
Well that’s what I thought. Its clear that this disagreement we had wasn’t just over. We let out a few feelings through texts but it wasn’t enough. Daily, I felt neglect. The conversations, calls and texts slowly started dwindling. How do you go from talking every day from to not talking at all?
We’ve even tried to set up a time to have dinner and talk. But that has even failed. I’m sure life happens and people get busy. But I also am a firm believer that people make time for what they think is important and what they want. I assume that the dinner and talk were not that important to her as it was to me.
My request would have been to ask what exactly I’d done to make her feel as if she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. I won’t beg for friendship and I won’t beg for someone to be in my life. But if something or someone meant that much to me, I believe it was worth trying to fix. Although she may not have wanted to be friends, I was looking for a reason. Even if the reason wasn’t going to fix our problem, maybe I could have taken that and made myself better in whatever area it was.
I even went back to our text messages to see if I missed something. Was there something that I didn’t see the first time? I still can’t figure it out. Maybe I needed it spelled out. Its possible I may have missed the point and mark and that’s totally my fault.
Now while, I don’t expect things to get better over night, I do pray that they do get better. For now, it just boggles my mind of where I went wrong. Maybe the friendship wasn’t as important if it could be given up that easy.