Guilty Intentions Excerpt

Hello World!… I think it’s time to tease you all with a taste of what’s to come with Guilty Intentions. If you would, please leave a comment and let me know you stopped by. I am open to all comments but don’t be too harsh. If you are offended by sexual content please do not continue as I do not want to offend anyone. Enjoy! 

EMMANUEL

 An all black party was just what we needed to get things back on track and get the club jumping again. For the past two months, the club hadn’t been doing so well. For some reason we were making more money on the grill, especially during lunch hours (six months ago we had so much feedback on the grill, it was suggested that we should open for lunch and dinner). But now that the grill was kicking off, the club crowd was starting to dwindle, especially on Fridays.  

Matinees were expected to not have such a good turn out. But even as we hosted more of them, people resisted coming. I thought it could be advertisement; radio ads were always effective. However, it attracted the wrong crowd at times. We would end up denying more people entry. 

It was almost 11:30 and a line was already starting to form outside. The line usually didn’t start until 12 or 12:30. We had the regulars who always made sure they made it before 11 because it was free. Most of my regular bartenders and waitresses were there. I had everyone, especially the security guards, wear white so they stood out from everyone wearing black. I went to the main bar so I could help out.  

Before I could get started, one of the girls stepped from the middle of the line. She had on a tight black dress with some black and brown wedges. I could tell she had a bad weave; the crown of her hair was a different color and nappy while the rest was silky straight. Her lashes were caked with glue and were almost falling off. She made her way to the front of the bar and started mumbling.

“Aye.  Ain’t you the owner of this club? How can I get down?” I could tell she was sloppy by the way she slurred her words.

“I have all the help I need sweetheart.” I pretended to be nice.

“No. Not with working here. I mean with you.” She blew me a kiss.

I couldn’t help but laugh in her face. That was a major turn off. I couldn’t count on both hands how many times I was approached from needy, sloppy, ghetto females. Women were groupies when all they could see were dollar signs. If only they knew that their drunken forwardness was not a sexy quality to me.  

“Well, sweetheart. Sorry to break it to you but I’m just not interested. You’re not my type.” I didn’t know how else to put it.

“What? I’m putting money in your pocket by coming here and buying drinks!”

“Look, lady. You’re in my club before 12. Which means you didn’t pay anything to get in. You were probably drunk before you got here, which means you’re probably buying one or two drinks. That’s not going to make or break me.” I was never one for embarrassing people but she deserved it.

“Hmph! A nigga think just because he own a club that he’s too good to talk to me. He don’t know what he’s missing. I know I’m a good woman.” 

Her friends nodded their heads as if they all agreed. She walked away with her clique following behind her.  I wondered if they really agreed and supported her actions, or they just didn’t care. 

I made a few more drinks and then made my way to the DJ booth. I told him to save all the good stuff for another thirty minutes. I knew we were going to get crowded pretty soon. The excitement of having a full club made me smile. I made sure the line-up on the TV screens was good. We usually had ESPN or movies playing. I never understood the movies, but that’s what our customers wanted.

People continued to fill in the emptiness on the dance floor. There was already a couple that had been stepping Chicago style since they entered the club. I liked their energy. People who weren’t scared to sweat on the dance floor gave me motivation to keep the club open. For some reason people liked either holding the walls up or standing in one spot trying to look cute.

There were a lot of good looking people came out to party. Most of them, I’d never seen before. Then there were the few slapdash folks that came every weekend. I definitely didn’t knock clubbing every weekend because they were my customers. It was just funny to see the same clubgoers, doing the same thing, expecting different results every weekend. 

I continued to do my rounds to make sure everything was going well.  I checked the restrooms to make sure Dave and Tammy were doing ok. At first glance, I didn’t see Dave standing at the door. As I came closer to the entry way of the restroom, I watched him puff his cigar twice before I yelled his name over the music.

“Dave! Man, what’s up with that? You know I don’t do smoking in this establishment! Put that shit out! And…” I noticed the smell wasn’t a cigar and his eyes went wide as an owl’s.

“And it’s weed! Are you out of your mind? Put that shit out and we’ll talk about this later!” I left him standing there with nothing else to say.

I stormed away from the restroom. I was so pissed I forgot to check on Tammy. Dave didn’t realize I worked hard to make sure I ran a clean, violent-free environment, and he was messing that up. I made my way through the crowd and to my office in the back. I needed to think about what I was going to do. I’d never had an employee who was so disrespectful. The first time I had a problem with him was about a month ago.  I found him in the middle of the dance floor with some random woman, which was wrong because one, he was supposed to be working and two, I believed he was married. Then, the next week he was outside chit-chatting with people standing in line to get in. You had to make sure your job (main duty) was done before you started roaming around enough was enough.  I was going to have to let him go.

I was doing some bookkeeping, checking e-mails and checking calendars when George (head of security) came storming in the office. Seeing his tall statue burst through the door caused me to make a mental note to get the lock fixed.  More than enough times, I’ve had to tell him to knock. He had his own office and he would be more than pissed if I just busted in. 

“Man, why are you cooped up in this office? There is a live party going on out there! This all-black party was one of your best promotion ideas!” He paused for a moment when he saw I wasn’t engaged. Then I noticed his brow furrowed.

“Why are you looking so serious? What happened?” He asked. 

“Dave. I went to go check on the restrooms and the man was standing by the doorway smoking a blunt! Can you believe that? I mean, we work so hard to make sure we run a clean, legal club. 

“That’s disrespectful to us. So what are you thinking?”

“We have to let him go. That’s just one bad apple. Then we’ll have a meeting this week. Hopefully nobody else is doing it.”

“Agreed.” George was always short on responses.

George was right about the club turn out. I was watching the party on the screens. It turned out to be a pretty decent party after all, just what we needed. I was thinking we probably needed to have some sort of theme every week. I stayed in my office and kept an eye on the party until last call. It’s hard being a business owner. People didn’t realize that it was only business and nothing was ever personal.

The clock read 2:07 a.m.  Toya was late. She knew at 2:00 a.m. every Saturday she was to come to my office so we could perform our weekly ritual. I sat in my chair and watched the clock. Two minutes later, Toya waltzed in, ignoring her tardiness.  

She had on an asymmetrical black dress that showed off her tattoo on her right shoulder. Her plum open toe pumps were at least six inches and showed off her freshly pedicured toes. 

“It was busy out there. This all black party was a good idea.” She said as she locked the door.

“You’re late. Get over here. You know what time it is.”

“Yes sir.” She bent down and pulled up her dress, showing her fresh Brazilian wax. As she came closer, my manhood grew inside of my pants. I was turned on by the way she was able to relieve my weekly stress with no strings. She unzipped my pants. 

“Ohhh. Seems like you’re ready for me.” She stared at my penis.

“No, it’s not ready. Get those lips to work.”

She took her tongue and licked the side of my shaft before taking me inside her warm mouth, bobbing repeatedly until the tip reached the back of her throat. I didn’t want her to go too fast so I pulled her hair to guide her head. I made her go slow and steady until I was ready.

“Just like that.” I whispered.

“Just like that?” She then ran her tongue from the tip to the crease of my sack.

“Ohh, shit.” I leaned my head back. I didn’t want to explode just yet. I took my penis out of her mouth and started stroking myself.

“Bend your ass over this desk.” She smirked and peeled her dress off. My dick grew stiffer when I saw her plump breasts without a bra.  She bent over and I smacked her cheek where she had a small butterfly. The ripple effect from on her butt from the slap made me blood rush. I stuck my penis inside her and she let out a loud moan.

“I’ve been waiting for this all week. Give it to me like you miss me.” She whispered. 

“You sure you miss this?” I grabbed her hair with one hand and dug my nails in her skin with the other hand. I continued to pump harder as she pivoted back and forth. Toya gripped the end of the desk and pushed me out of her. She rolled over on her back with her long legs in the air. She knew I was ready. I ran the tip of my manhood over her wet lips. Her pussy was always wet.  Toya took my dick in her hand and jammed my dick inside her warmth. She continued to moan as I pumped harder and deeper. 

“I want you to come in my mouth.” She yelled.

That did it. I forcefully pulled out. She jumped off the desk and bent down. She cupped my sack and put my manhood in her mouth and sucked until I squirted down her throat. I let out a sigh of relief. I loved relieving stress.

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Please Excuse My Impatience Pt. 2

Hi! Its me Impatient once again!… This is a follow-up from a previous post “Please Excuse My Impatience”. A conversation between me and a person close to me sparked my need to recognize that I am in fact still impatient. 

In the previous post I wrote, “I become so impatient that I don’t wait long enough for God’s answer. Or as my friend suggested, I’m too busy trying to configure my own solution that I didn’t hear God’s answer. So what’s my problem? What makes me so impatient where it effects my level of trust? That I can’t answer. It could be the reason that I have the need to control every aspect of my life. Maybe it’s because if I want something done, I do it myself. I just can’t pin point the reason why.”

I told my friend that we are both Leo’s and its in our nature to want to control. We have a tendency to move on fast if others don’t work or think in the same matter as we do…. sometimes it sucks being a Leo.  There’s just that urge to want to rush and do things our way. When in fact, we should learn to let others take control.

So thinking of this, the next time I want to rush and do things my way, I’ll try my best to just sit back, be patient and watch things unfold as they should.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Am I Not Worth More?

Let me tell you about my job search journey so far. I went back to school so that I could start my career and be on my merry way. Well that’s how I envisioned it. But that’s not exactly how it’s happened.

I graduated with a Master’s this January. But I started searching for jobs in October. The first job interview told me they were actually looking for someone with more experience… I’m a recent grad. Of course I don’t have any. Then my second interview was merely a punch in the throat. It would have been a perfect opportunity had it not been a pinch above minimum wage. You mean to tell me I’m only worth a little above min wage?

In between these job interviews, I’ve gotten hundreds of rejection letters. Most of them saying thank you but no thank you. I even get discouraged by the minimum requirements of 5 years of experience on job descriptions. I don’t even waste my time.

Although I may be experiencing a low point in my job search, I remain positive in knowing my opportunity will come at the time. I never understood how we can all go to school, obtain these expensive degreee and then remain unable to use them. If that’s the case then education should be free. I’m paying an organization just for me to be another job seeking individual.

I know my worth and will not allow a company determine my worth by what’s listed on a paper. Until then, I’ll keep searching. I know I’m worth more than what’s being offered. It’s just a matter of me finding that opportunity.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Enough With The Negative Posts

I’ve seen some pretty disturbing social media statuses lately. Sure, it is social media and yes you are open to say what you feel. But some of these I view as a cry for help. It could also be a need for attention.

Every other status is about having a bad day. But it seems like they are having a bad day every day. I can’t possibly imagine always having a bad day. There are 24 hours (1440 minutes) in a day. You mean to tell me you can’t find anything positive about your day? At least five minutes? 

Perhaps you should look at the fact that you were given another chance to make things right. You woke up to give God praise for allowing that opportunity. Or what about the fact that you were given blessings that others do not have. You can see, but there are blind people out there.  You can read, but someone may only have an 8th grade education. I could go on but you get the picture.

If you still don’t get it, then I take your daily negative ranting as a cry for help. Please seek it fast. If you aren’t happy with your life, I suggest surrounding yourself with people that would have a positive impact. Misery loves company and feeds on negativity.

It could be that I just happened to catch most of my followers and friends on a bad week. However,  something’s gotta give. I’m an advocate of being positive and praying and good things will happen.

~Am I N_My_Writemind?

Lie For Pleasure?

Please allow me to rant today about liars. People who lie for pleasure…

Can someone please tell me why someone would lie for pleasure? For the most part, if you tell me the truth up front I won’t be as upset about whatever it is you need to say. If you decide to tell me parts of a story, fabricate parts of the story or make up an entire story, I automatically eliminate some of your trust points. Those are points that are definitely not easy to gain back.

Lying seems to be time consuming. If you lie you have to cover up and add on to each lie. This only creates more lies. I don’t see any entertainment in lying just because I don’t want to get caught. If you have to lie about it, you shouldn’t have done it in the first place. One reason you lie is because you don’t want people to know what you do in the dark…… hmmm interesting concept.

If you don’t want people to find out then don’t do it.

On a positive note, I do believe lying is good only when you are trying to surprise someone. That’s the only type of lying that I use and endorse.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

I’m Ok With Not Getting 100% Support

In preparation with my book release, someone asked if I was scared that people aren’t willing to support me. “You have this big dream and so many ideas? But how do you get people to support you?” My reply was simple. Not everyone is going to support. Not everyone sees my vision as I do. But in response to getting people to support, I mentioned that it’s not always 50/50 when it comes to supporting someone. You ever go to all the functions you are invited to? Then when its time for them to support you, you get nothing but excuses. Tuh? Happens all the time.  

Don’t worry if its up to your standards. Support it anyway because guess what? There will be an abundance of critics including those close to you who will be brutally honest. You’ll have people who like your product just because they are fond of you. Or they will take the time out to truly critique you and your product because they genuinely care. 

Then you’ll have those folk who will be disappointed in your work just because they don’t care for you and/or didn’t take the time out to get to know you. Either way, not everyone will like you or your product. However, this doesn’t mean you should stop supporting others. We all need support. We all need feedback and we all need guidance.

So to answer their question, yes I am fearful of people not supporting me and what I do. Yes, I am nervous that people will not like my products. But this all just means I am excited, compassionate and anxious about what I do. I’m willing to become better with any recommendations. But this doesn’t mean that I will stop supporting others just because they don’t support me. 

It’s so cliche but it’s true. You don’t have to like me or what I do. But you will respect me and what I stand for. I thank all of those for their support anyway. 

 ~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Beacon of Light In A Hug

Those around me know that I’ve recently graduated with a Master’s Degree. I hadn’t made a big deal out of it and hand’t told too many people. I was already blessed with all kinds of excitement with my Bachelor’s. Having family and friends around to celebrate was awesome, but this time I wanted the light to shine on others. I knew exactly how it felt to graduate college. I felt like a new person.  I had accomplished a life goal. 

This time around, I hadn’t mentioned it until my mom made a big deal in church.  My church had a recognition program for all graduates. From eighth grade to college graduates, it was a pretty good crowd that was recognized. I made my way to the podium and announced I graduated with a Master’s. It felt good to say that but I still wanted the light on someone else. Hopefully, someone would see that it could be done. 

The congregation clapped and cheered for all of the graduates. I was happy to be apart of the group.  Then it hit me that I was where I should be. I was a part of a group that is capable of setting an example for others. Setting an example is my goal in life. 

At the end of the program, my Pastor told everyone to hug their neighbor. The young lady that sat next to me graduated with her Bachelor’s degree. I could tell she was elated to be done. When I went to hug her, she returned the hug with a tight grip. She rubbed my back and said, “Yes, I need some of you to rub off on me. You are proof that it can be done. It encourages me to go on.” I smiled back. A simple hug can encourage someone or give the impression that they can conquer anything.

While I wasn’t looking for recognition, my heart was filled with happiness. Unknowingly, I was a beacon of light to someone else. I’d encouraged another young lady to take that step and keep going. Maybe I should hug others more often. 

 ~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Motivate, Inspire & Write

As I construct each piece of my dream and attempt to make it reality, I had to determine a goal. The question was What is your purpose in doing this? The ultimate reasoning is to share my dream with the world. But how could I do that with a purpose? How can I do that in a method that serves another purpose other than my own?

Then it hit me. Write with a purpose. Write with a goal in mind. Think of others. Give my opinion, my thoughts and my concerns while remaining unselfish.Running through Pinterest one day, I read a short quote. “Be strong. You never know who you are inspiring.” Wow. A nine word sentence so powerful. It planted a large seed in my heart. Every day may not be categorized as a good day. There’s no way, I can pretend that I don’t have bad days. But as I write, I can only find good in each day to inspire someone else.

Just as I struggle sometimes to come up with subjects to talk about, I find that it’s sometimes hard to write without telling the entire world what I go through. My intent isn’t to complain, boast or brag. I write to make a connect with my imagination, to accept what is and to change what could be.  The main purpose is to motivate my readers, inspire the fearful and write about the possibilities and perspectives.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?