Guilty Intentions is coming!

My entire life I’ve wanted to write a book. Yes a book. I mastered English classes in middle school and high school. Then I obtained a Bachelor’s in Journalism with minor in creative writing. Writing has always been on my mind. But the ultimate goal was to write a book. 

I imagined all of these daydreams written out in detail for someone else’s entertainment. My heart yearned for people to read and imagine just as I had. What if I’m not dramatic enough? Will my audience be able to understand my concept by my descriptions? 

I was afraid. Scared of failing,  criticism,  and being unsuccessful. So in return,  I put it off. Worked on a concept then put it away because I wasn’t ready to put my all into it. What was my problem?  Just do it. I said to myself.  No, I’m not ready. So I put it off again.

I was cleaning out my computer files and came across a halfway written book. Just a bunch of ideas. I worked and worked and worked off compiling those thoughts. The next thing I knew, I had a complete book minus edits. I then made a timeline of when to get things done. The rumor started to get out. This has to happen now. I can’t let myself down. I can’t let my audience down.

So here I am anticipating my book release date. I can’t believe my dream is becoming real. Just a few months ago, it was just a compilation of years of ideas and now it’s free for the world to see. Its so real that its unreal.

Guilty Intentions. Save the date. August 17th will be here soon!

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

I’m Guilty of Not Practicing Forgiveness

As I was reviewing my lesson for Women’s Ministry, I was in trouble. The first lesson was about forgiveness. This is something I rarely practice. But after reading the word and the lesson,  I became more familiar with my wicked ways. I am quick to ask God for forgiveness. Sure, all I have to do is mean it. Repent, ask for forgiveness and never do it again.

However,  what about me forgiving others? Or better yet, what about when I’ve done wrong to someone else or someone has done wrong to me? Is it that easy to just forgive? What about forgetting? Just recently I told someone that it will take a long time for me to forgive them and even longer to forget. That definitely was not the correct response I should have given.

We(and I say we with me included) hold on to things that create bitterness. I didn’t realize that the bitterness I held was only tearing me up and withholding me from moving on from the situation. Blocking my blessing is more like it. The more I held on, the more bitter, angry and unpleasant I became. All the while,  the person(s) I was angry at was continuing life and hadn’t given it any second thought.

After the lesson last night, I asked that person to forgive me for being nasty, rude, mean and uncompromising to them.  It was now up to them if they chose to forgive me or not. Then I asked God to forgive me for acting that way and for not forgiving them. I woke up with a clear mind and a fresh slate. No more grudges,  bitterness or anger. I’m learning to forgive amd forget so that I can move on. 

~AM I N_My_Write_Mind?

Why Complain When Its Not My Battle?

Here I am. At my desk. Doing everything I need to be doing while wondering how I got here. Im in nonchalant mode staring at my computer screen, taking deep breaths before and after each call…. This can’t be my life.

Then as I type my feelings, a woman calls with an attitude of horror and hangs up in my ear because she doesn’t like the guidelines that are written out plain as day on paper. Bend the rules? Sure I have the power to do that. In fact, let me bend a few of them and I’ll lose my job just for you. But of course, I cant express how I really feel. That would be too much like right. 

Beep. Another call comes in. Am I the only person taking calls?  Where is everyone else? Only worry about you Renita. Worry about you doing your job and everything you need to do.

This sums up almost every minute of my work day.Every morning its the same routine. I wake up thank God for waking me up. But good grief! I have to get ready for this awful job. The entire drive to work is my praying and asking for a good day .

This morning I sat at my desk and wrote a prayer. I prayed that God help me with my patience and to help me be still until he opens a career opportunity for me.  He’s working on it. Until then, I can’t complain or grief as he is giving me a steady income until the other door opens. Thank you. Until then let me remain calm, not let any negative attitudes persuade my attitude and worry about me doing my job.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Bent and Stretched But Not Broken

Problems! They come in all shapes, sizes, amounts and times! Some of which we can control others we can’t. What gets us is that moment when all of our problems start to accumulate in our minds. Then we start to evaluate, determine and wonder how we got where we are. What a bummer!

I’d hate to sound down and depressed but the truth is… I’ve been feeling this way for a few days. So many events and people tend to have an impact on my mood and what I think about. But another truth is that all of these trials that we go through are just that. They are trials. They don’t last long and we are given these storms to go through just to make us stronger in the end. We can either learn from them, use them as fuel to become better or we can continue to let them remain as hinderances in our lives. 

I’ve recently learned a new term: bent. Instead of suggesting that my heart was broken, I’ll replace that and say that my heart has been stretched. Broken suggests that it’s no longer capable of its duties. That’s not the case at all. In fact, although my heart has been stretched in so many ways, I still believe it’s like rubber and can bounce back to it’s original state. It may take time, but eventually it will heal. 

Just some food for thought.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?