Are You Sacrificing Your Happiness For An Ex?

Stick_Figure_Baby_Ho.

Picture this: A couple is happy at some point. They could be married or living as single and then they have kid(s). Things don’t work out between them so they go their separate ways. But do they actually take completely different paths? Sure they have have to meet up or contact each other for the sake of the children. However, this sometimes causes one of the parties to have so much anger inside that they want to do any and everything to make the other party as miserable as possible.

My friend told me that she was ready and willing to put up with a lot of drama because she was fighting for her relationship. All she wanted was for her and him to be happy. “If a man wants to be with someone, he’s going to do everything in his power to fight and make it work.” I agree with this statement but what if the fight is not as strong as the fight for the children?

You get my drift? I don’t have children but I’ve been in situations where my boyfriend couldn’t be happy and we couldn’t be happy together because it was virtually impossible with “baby mama” reactions. I would never agree that children don’t come first. But I will argue that one person’s happiness should not be dependent on an ex, their feelings and their actions. I might I add that this may seem that it’s about “baby mama” drama. But there are men that carry on this type of behavior as well.

Actions of the scorned ex: petty and inexcusable behavior, attitude, greed and immaturity. More specifically, telling the other party that they can’t see the child(ren). Or how about they can see them but only if they spend “adult time” with them. There are so many combinations that may arise from this scanario. But the most annoying is when the ex does everything in their power so that the other party won’t be happy.

My only hope is that people would recognize that adults will NOT use children as pawns and put them in the middle. I understand being hurt and yes it may take a while to move on. But using the children as revenge is unacceptable.  One female told me that she acted this way because she wanted to hurt him because he hurt her. It hurt her even more to see him happy with another woman. While I have had a heartache before, the only thing I could do to help me get over it was to continue to do things that made me happy. You’ll eventually get over that person.

My theory is you are only making the situation worse by creating chaos in their lives. They are human and they deserve to be happy as well. I can’t speak for all cases, but as long as the new person has respect and shows respect for you and the children, what’s the problem? Please stop making it hard for your ex to be happy. Children are not paws and no new girlfriend or boyfriend is going to replace your children. Children will always come first. But I don’t think they should sacrifice their happiness just because you are unhappy about a break-up.

And to the other party: Put your foot down. You deserve to be happy and move on. Your happiness should come first and should not be based on an ex’s happiness. If you want to be happy, be happy and do every thing in your power to make things work. If not, then don’t date because you will only be wasting time.

-Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

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