I must admit, I’m apart of the hype. Being a member of all social media: Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and now Facebook again I’m riding shotgun on the bandwagon. So as I’m strolling through my Instagram to check the “photo of the day” the goal for today was a picture of “Fear”…. Oh dear… How in the world do I capture fear? Rolling my eyes, I ignored it and decided not to participate today. Then I log into my Twitter. What do I see in my timeline? Someone retweeting a celebrity about fear of accomplishing your goals. “Oh Lord, what is going on? Is everyone feeling the same way today? Geesh!” I thought to myself.
I put my phone down and continued to work. But I couldn’t focus as the word “fear” kept replaying in my mind. What exactly do I fear? I could only think of two things: failure and being alone. I usually will try anything at least once and I have many people around me. So why do fear failure and being alone? How is that possible?
Oh it’s possible. But there is only so much one can do to not feel this way. I’m not a fan of people telling my time is coming and I should stay single. Or that I’m still young and children can wait. This is my response to you if you believe that: I do NOT to be 40 when I meet the man to become my husband and I do NOT want to be after 40 trying to start a family. I WILL NOT be an old wife and mother.
My mom tried to validate that these fears weren’t possible for me. “You have no children. You have a Master’s Degree. You live by yourself. You work and pay your own bills. All of these are successes. You definitely aren’t alone. You have friends and family and you take these two seriously. You aren’t lonely!” She went on and on….. Thanks mom I appreciate your positive outlook but you aren’t helping. That wasn’t where I was going with this.
The truth is while everyone else is living their lives with families or starting families, I’m still trying to figure out my life. I know, I know. I have a life but it all boils down to my fear of failing at family or not having a family at all. Fear of not being good enough for society. Fear of not giving my best at life.
My fears are my fears. No one can tell me what to fear and what not to fear as I’ve already stood face to face with fear.
~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?