Are You Sacrificing Your Happiness For An Ex?

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Picture this: A couple is happy at some point. They could be married or living as single and then they have kid(s). Things don’t work out between them so they go their separate ways. But do they actually take completely different paths? Sure they have have to meet up or contact each other for the sake of the children. However, this sometimes causes one of the parties to have so much anger inside that they want to do any and everything to make the other party as miserable as possible.

My friend told me that she was ready and willing to put up with a lot of drama because she was fighting for her relationship. All she wanted was for her and him to be happy. “If a man wants to be with someone, he’s going to do everything in his power to fight and make it work.” I agree with this statement but what if the fight is not as strong as the fight for the children?

You get my drift? I don’t have children but I’ve been in situations where my boyfriend couldn’t be happy and we couldn’t be happy together because it was virtually impossible with “baby mama” reactions. I would never agree that children don’t come first. But I will argue that one person’s happiness should not be dependent on an ex, their feelings and their actions. I might I add that this may seem that it’s about “baby mama” drama. But there are men that carry on this type of behavior as well.

Actions of the scorned ex: petty and inexcusable behavior, attitude, greed and immaturity. More specifically, telling the other party that they can’t see the child(ren). Or how about they can see them but only if they spend “adult time” with them. There are so many combinations that may arise from this scanario. But the most annoying is when the ex does everything in their power so that the other party won’t be happy.

My only hope is that people would recognize that adults will NOT use children as pawns and put them in the middle. I understand being hurt and yes it may take a while to move on. But using the children as revenge is unacceptable.  One female told me that she acted this way because she wanted to hurt him because he hurt her. It hurt her even more to see him happy with another woman. While I have had a heartache before, the only thing I could do to help me get over it was to continue to do things that made me happy. You’ll eventually get over that person.

My theory is you are only making the situation worse by creating chaos in their lives. They are human and they deserve to be happy as well. I can’t speak for all cases, but as long as the new person has respect and shows respect for you and the children, what’s the problem? Please stop making it hard for your ex to be happy. Children are not paws and no new girlfriend or boyfriend is going to replace your children. Children will always come first. But I don’t think they should sacrifice their happiness just because you are unhappy about a break-up.

And to the other party: Put your foot down. You deserve to be happy and move on. Your happiness should come first and should not be based on an ex’s happiness. If you want to be happy, be happy and do every thing in your power to make things work. If not, then don’t date because you will only be wasting time.

-Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

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Face to Face With Fear

I must admit, I’m apart of the hype. Being a member of all social media: Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and now Facebook again I’m riding shotgun on the bandwagon.  So as I’m strolling through my Instagram to check the “photo of the day” the goal for today was a picture of “Fear”…. Oh dear… How in the world do I capture fear? Rolling my eyes, I ignored it and decided not to participate today. Then I log into my Twitter. What do I see in my timeline? Someone retweeting a celebrity about fear of accomplishing your goals. “Oh Lord, what is going on? Is everyone feeling the same way today? Geesh!” I thought to myself.

I put my phone down and continued to work. But I couldn’t focus as the word “fear” kept replaying in my mind. What exactly do I fear? I could only think of two things: failure and being alone. I usually will try anything at least once and I have many people around me. So why do fear failure and being alone? How is that possible?

Oh it’s possible. But there is only so much one can do to not feel this way. I’m not a fan of people telling my time is coming and I should stay single. Or that I’m still young and children can wait. This is my response to you if you believe that: I do NOT to be 40 when I meet the man to become my husband and I do NOT want to be after 40 trying to start a family. I WILL NOT be an old wife and mother. 

My mom tried to validate that these fears weren’t possible for me. “You have no children. You have a Master’s Degree. You live by yourself. You work and pay your own bills. All of these are successes. You definitely aren’t alone. You have friends and family and you take these two seriously. You aren’t lonely!” She went on and on….. Thanks mom I appreciate your positive outlook but you aren’t helping. That wasn’t where I was going with this.

The truth is while everyone else is living their lives with families or starting families, I’m still trying to figure out my life. I know, I know. I have a life but it all boils down to my fear of failing at family or not having a family at all. Fear of not being good enough for society. Fear of not giving my best at life.  

My fears are my fears. No one can tell me what to fear and what not to fear as I’ve already  stood face to face with fear. 

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Patently waiting To Become True

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My dreams are my dreams. I dreampt that my dreams would become reality. However,  they can not come into fruition without some sort of input, energy, time, attention and money. But how oh how can I create these ideas and make them true?

I thought long and hard about why they hadn’t become true. One reason is I was so worried about the opinion of others. Well now my attitude is the hell with them. They’ll either love me or hate me and if they hate me they never took the time out to even care about my dreams in the first place.

For some reason, I envisioned what it would be like for my dreams to come true. Although it may seem far away, I still able to see the light. Ive made a vow to myself to keep pushing. Its going to take hard work, blood, sweat and maybe some tears. But in the end, its all going to be worth my dreams coming true.

So move out of the way enemies, fear and anythi else in the way. I’m on a mission to accomplishment.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?