Passing the Burden

I kept hearing and seeing the phrase “Let go of your past” or “Don’t let your past dictate your future”. I wasn’t just hearing that a lot lately just because it was a trending topic. I was hearing it because thats what I was actually needed to do. For the past year and a half I’ve been holding on to my past and people from my past because thats what made me comfortable. I was standing in my comfort zone and unwilling to move.

For some reason I was resistant to change because of the fear of unknown. Well that all changed when I asked God for a favor.  But guess what? I kept ignoring Him and resisting His efforts in achieving my favor. What sense does that make to ask someone for something and then say nevermind after they try to give you what you ask for? You cant renig on asking favors. That’s like reverse Indian giving!

God works on His own time so slowly He began to show me and tell me what I had been doing wrong. “Give me that mess you’ve been dealing with and let it go.”

That’s just what I did. This morning I gave it to Him. I will admit that some things that I’ve done in the past aren’t favorable. But I can’t continue to let those action become fuel for possible insecurities. The past can become detrimental to my future. However, after letting go of some things and people I feel relieved that I am capable of using those as lesson plans to ensure a positive outlook on my future.

I passed my burden over to Him. Im confident he’s got my back. Im definte that the people I’ve left behind he will direct them in a better path and bless them in other ways. Im convinced that the situations I’ve left behind, he’ll forgive and forget.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Why Complain When Its Not My Battle?

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Here I am. At my desk. Doing everything I need to be doing while wondering how I got here. Im in nonchalant mode staring at my computer screen, taking deep breaths before and after each call…. This can’t be my life. Then as I type my feelings, a woman calls with an attitude of horror and hangs up in my ear because she doesn’t like the guidelines that are written out plain as day on paper. Bend the rules? Sure I have the power to do that. In fact, let me bend a few of them and I’ll lose my job just for you. But of course, I cant express how I really feel. That would be too much like right. Beep. Another call comes in. Am I the only person taking calls? Where is everyone else? Only worry about yourself Renita. Worry about you doing your job and everything you need to do. This sums up almost every minute of my work day.Every morning its the same routine. I wake up thank God for waking me up. But good grief! I have to get ready for this awful job. The entire drive to work is my praying and asking for a good day. This morning I sat at my desk and wrote a prayer. I prayed that God help me with my attitude.he knows it can get a little out of hand when I’m not happy. Then i asked for patience and to help me be still until he opens a career opportunity for me. He’s working on it. Until then, I can’t complain or grief as he is giving me a steady income until the other door opens. Thank you. Until then let me remain calm, not let any negative attitudes persuade my attitude. Worry about me doing my job. As long as I know Ive done my best all I can say is that this isn’t my battle and I won’t complain. ~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Happiness Remains Consistent

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…The list goes on.  I call it my life list. As I’m sitting here editing my wish list and things to accomplish, some simple thoughts arose. I realized that most of the things my heart desires require much more action than just writing them down.One is time. Time. The one thing I want more of but there is no guarantee nor is there room to waste and start over. There more I analyze the list, the more I sit and ponder ways to tackle the list. I kept going through my list and kept coming up with more items to buy and more activities to do. My solution for the impossible of gaining more time: Work on my time management.

Then I questioned and how long it will take me to complete the entire list.  If I take my time, I could do all of the free or cost efficient first. All of those could be done periodically. But the big events (Write a book, travel to another country, pay off my car), those events are time sensitive and require intense planning. My solution: Create due dates. 

The more I add to the list, the more I calculate how much money is to be spent. I’m now spending more time adjusting the budget. Create free events. Start more DIY projects. While these things may not require a lot of money, they are just as important to complete. My solution for keeping the budget under control: Do all of the free events or buy cost efficient items first. Then I could save money to do the more costly things. 

Pause. My last and final thought. Will all these activities and items, actually bring me happiness or do I just want to cross them off just to say I’ve had it in my possession or experienced it? Who knows. I won’t know what excitement they will bring until they are crossed off my list but until then…. One thing is for sure, no matter how often the list changes or how many items are added or checked off, one thing remains constant… Happiness is always number one and the last thing on my list.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

 

Point Me In The Right Direction Please

First as a human and second as a friend, I definitely dont have all of the answers. I dont hold all of the solutions nor do I know how to do everything. My job is to at least be there for you. But what I do always have available is that extra ear, shoulder and hand you need in desperate times.

I had two people in my life going through the exact same situation. While both were telling me their situations both got the same response: Whatever decision you make, I support you and Ill be there for you.

What they are going through I’ve never experienced. So I could never come out and give my opinion or advice. You can’t give advice on something you know nothing about. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be a friend and help them with whatever it is they need help with.

I thought it would be a good idea to have them talk with each other. They are going through the same thing and probably have the same thoughts and feelings. They are likely to have more encouraging words for each other than I would have for each of them.

The point is, a good friend never tells you what you should do. I refrain from giving advice. Instead I listen to what their needs are and I give a helping hand where its needed. If I don’t know the answers, I find someone who may be of more expertise in that area.

As a friend, my job is to NOT lead you down the wrong path. If I don’t know which way to go, Ill stop and ask for directions. Someone who has been down that road is far more familiar and can point you (and even me) in the right direction.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Water Your Grass

Jealousy and envy get you no where but in a place of sadness. Worrying about what your neighbor has and comparing it to what you dont have adds up to nothing. Did you think about how long it takes to analyze what someone else has? In that time you could have conjured up your own plan to get whatever it is you want. Or better yet, did you pray about these desires of your heart?

Not once did you think about how they obtained what they have. Maybe they worked hard. Maybe it was a gift. Maybe after they received it they became miserable and you just don’t see it.

I take it as you letting your neighbor freely steal your joy, your passion and your willingness to work hard to get what you want.

Did you ever think about how plants and grass grow? What about how people grow? How do you withdraw money from your bank account if you didn’t deposit any money? How do you grow without substance?  Its the same with what you want out of life.  We have to give. Whether its your time, money, attention,effort, hardwork, etc. No matter what, you are putting out something.

So please, the next time you complain, gripe, cry and throw a fit over something someone else has and you don’t, please review your own grass. Create your own plan of how you can water your grass to make it grow. Because your grass doesn’t grow the same as your neighbor’s.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

What’s That You Say? You Want Me to Kiss Your Butt?

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Thank you to my friend for inspiration. She apologized and they thought it was a brilliant idea to make her jump through hoops after the apology. Absolutely NOT a cool idea.

You shouldnt have to beg or chase after you’ve issued an apology. It’s one thing to apologize and move on. Its another thing to harken on an issue just because you are angry. No apology at all carries a large enough burden. When that apology comes, take it. Don’t expect someone to kiss your behind. After an apology, it may be just a tad bit difficult to gain your trust but don’t let them off easy. Yeah they may have to work a little harder but kissing your backside isn’t the answer.

If someone apologizes and you have a great feeling that it’s genuine then accept it. Forgive them and move on. If you dont believe the apology was authentic, then accept the fact that they realize they were wrong. They’ve done their duty to apologize. Now it’s your turn to accomplish your part. God says that it is our duty to forgive those that have done wrong to you. It becomes your fault if you can’t swallow that pill and keep it moving. The longer you hold on, the longer it will hurt and becomes more difficult to forget.

You know how they say forgive and forget? Its a lot easier to forgive someone than it is to forget. There are some things one just cant forget. But its up to you to take those hurtful events or words and use those as fuel. Use those as learning experiences to make sure you don’t handle that situation the same way. So while you may forgive, forgetting carries a much heavier process.

To those that have apologized to me: I forgive you. Lets move on.

To those that I’ve apologized to: Forgive me. Lets move on. But lets get on thing straight…. I won’t be kissing your backside!

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

The Art of Miscommunication

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Having an argument due to miscommunication is the absolute worst! Both parties end up thinking the other is completely incapable of communicating. In actuality, it’s the principle of miscommunication. 

When we talk, disagree, argue or debate, we are simply stating our stand on the situation. As we strive on our position and our view, we aren’t concerned with how the other person may relay that information or how they view it. We are only concerned with them following suite and  agreeing with the position we take. However, this isn’t reality and it’s definitely not what actually happens. 

We have to make sure we do a better job of communicating exactly what we want, what we want other people to know and why. This eliminates the other party misunderstanding and prevents miscommunication. 

I had a disagreement with someone this morning. This disagreement was created from a conversation from the night before. I tossed and turned as I couldn’t sleep because of this conversation. After a few hours, I prayed and decided to send an e-mail of everything I was thinking. The response of that e-mail was not what I expected. Of course, I was expecting them to read the e-mail, agree that I was right and  determine way to make things right. 

Instead, I was told I was being judgmental. They reiterated that they at least tried and don’t worry about it. This led me to believe that they were ready to not talk to me again because of this. That was big burst of more hurt. The intention was to tell them how I was feeling and my thoughts . It wasn’t meant for them to not talk to me ever again. 

After going back and forth about the situation, I realized that had we both been open, upfront and communicated properly then the e-mail would have never been typed and we wouldn’t have had the argument. I do own half of the responsibility of this disagreement and I promised to ensure that I would use effective communication. 

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

There’s Always A Way

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Just when you have a feeling that something is impossible, it happens. It doesn’t come in a conventional way but it came. Not because it was easy but because you put time and attention into it. You tried several scenarios and you stuck with it until it worked. 

It’s like solving a rather complicated math problem. There are certain steps you must take in order to get the answer. Miss one step and you missed the entire problem. If you don’t get it and you give up, you will never learn. This is the same with having the determination to make a way for something you really want to make work. 

I’m ranting on because I told someone today that they always have an excuse as to why they can’t do something. Advising them that they should maybe try something different to get different results, I was portrayed as a “know it all”.  Their reply to me: You think you are always right. No lie. I slightly chuckled at this statement. It’s not that I think I’m right. I was only trying to help them realize that you have to change it up to get different results. 

Deep down, I think people make excuses because they are afraid of finding a way. Creating excuses only allows individuals to run from what could be. What’s the point of creating excuses when it’s much more comforting to just do it or at least try. Not finding a way only results from people relaying how important something is to them. If it’s not important to you, then you won’t give any energy, time, attention or money. Right?

We won’t always get things right the first time. Heck, we may not get it right the second time. But we won’t know if it will work unless we try. Telling someone you love them, doing well on your job or even putting money into your car…. These things require time, attention and money. If you don’t care about these things, you won’t find away to make these a priority. Instead, you’ll find that much more yielding excuse. 

There’s always a away so there should always be a will (not an excuse).

Am I N_My_Write_Mind? 

Praise Him In The Hallway

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Looking for a job is extremely overwhelming.

Here’s the process: You have to find companies to search for open positions, read the descriptions to make sure you qualify then apply. You have to answer 100 questions before you hit send. Then it’s sent to Human Resources for review. From questions, to attaching your resume and adding references, one application can take 30 minutes! It’s so time consuming! 

Over the past few months, I’ve gotten numerous e-mails with the “Thank you, but no thank you” content. I grow tired from applying to all of these positions that require me to have 2-5 years experience. I’m a recent graduate. How can I have experience if no one hires me? Oh… the joys of job searching! 

As I completed my last application for the night, I became weak. I wanted to quit and just give up. To me there seemed like there was no use to applying for all of these jobs and getting no where. All I want is to get a job using my degree. It’s like paying for a really expensive item and putting it in storage. When I pay for something, I want to be able to use it.

Just as I was about to give I thought about what I already have. Though I may dislike my current job with a passion, at least I have one. I may dread waking up in the morning and learning absolutely nothing during those eight hours. There are times when my attitude does a complete 360 because I’m not happy with my current position. This is only fuel for me to continue applying. If I don’t apply, I won’t get anywhere. So until I am presented with the opportunity for another job,
I have no choice but to wait.

Until God opens a door for me, I will just praise him in the hallway. 

Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Perception Is Another Form of Denial

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Random conversation with a random people lead to mind-boggling conversations. As I’m carrying on with conversation with this guy, the subject of perception sprouted . I told him I thought he was
a ladies man. I based my opinion just by seeing him with several different women at different times. This opinion didn’t sparkle from rumors or just because I wanted to view him this way. My perception was founded on what I saw with my own eyes.

Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, he tried to plead his innocence. He then tells me that it wasn’t what it looked like and he was far from a ladies man. My thought: Well how do you explain the different women? Not that he even owed me an explanation. However, I urged for him to entertain me with reasons for being spotted with various women. What other reason than, he’s dating all of these women.

Although I never got a direct response, he answered without giving too much information. His explanation to me: Things are always different from what they seem. But people’s perception is their reality.

 At first glance at his statement, I agreed. But after analyzing, I realized this was only an excuse to sway people from what really is the truth. It’s called selective perception. We like to view things as we wish or hope. But the only reality is exactly that: reality. Black is black and white is white. Nothing in between.

So while we utilize the power of selective perception, we try to portray images that may not be the total truth. We are only hindering our ability to view things as they really are. In most cases, it’s just another form of denial.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?