Turning Negative Into Positive

The goal was to publish at least one blog a day. Excluding weekends. However, when I thought about something to write yesterday, nothing came to mind. My daily blogging streak was out of wack. I had this uneasy feeling knowing I had a bunch of things to get out but it just didn’t trickle down through my fingers and on to the keyboard. What was that about?

At first I thought it was a case of writer’s block. I had to go back to the drawing board. There were a few drafts in my folder. But after reviewing my drafts, I realized that all of the blogs that were in draft status were all the same. They were nothing but a list of negative thoughts. These weren’t drafts just because I couldn’t think of what to say. They remained drafts because they were taking me out of character of remaining positive.

How can I complain and be negative? No way will that happen. I have too many other happy thoughts to let negative, depressing thoughts control my blog. I don’t want to be known as a nagging and complaining blogger. I would prefer people to be encouraged by my words, have a few laughs and even be challenged to do some intellectual thinking. Anti-positive blogs definitely won’t encourage.

There’s so much information I’m learning in graduate school. One of the most important aspects is that for every problem there is a solution. Those solutions become open opportunities. I’m taking this as an opportunity to push my creativeness in my writing. I went back through my drafts and thought about ways to transform them to positive. We’ll see how that turns out in later posts.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Unconventional Dating

This has to be the easiest way to get a good laugh in. My friend and I were discussing how hard it is to date and how the pool of good men is pretty much dry. Then we get on the subject of unconventional dating: online dating. What an easy way to be embarrassed.

We were really online looking at people’s photos. This was my first issue. If you want someone to take you seriously, why post pics with your shirt off and you have the biggest stomach with hair that resembles taco meat? Or what about your pic shows you with a mouth full of gold teeth and a head full of braids. It doesn’t help that your profile was full of misspelled words or so brief that we couldn’t understand your text message short hand. Is this really what she had to choose from?

She asked me to join in. How could I bring myself to join in this as I was already turned off by these unappealing profiles? My thoughts are why do I have to pay for something that I should be doing in person. I feel like we are merely judging people by a picture and a profile. Although after the brief review, judgement was necessary to weave out the bad ones for her.

This uneasy feeling led me to believe that there may be some deeper issues. Why is he single that he now depends on finding dates or maybe just female friends online? Maybe he’s crazy. Maybe he has a temper. Maybe he has too many kids. But he could be saying the same thing about her.

You could argue that it’s just a broader channel for singles to meet other singles and it’s not different than traditional dating. I’m just not sold on the online dating. Maybe it will work for her and she can prove me wrong. As I’m typing this blog, she’s forwarding profile pictures to me and trying to get me to join in……That’s ok. I’ll just continue to get free laughs.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Did You Pray For Someone Else?

So of course I pray daily. Depends on the day, what’s going on, what my concerns are, but I often pray for not only myself but those around me. If we are going through something or just need clarification, what do we do? We pray. I can only speak for myself but sometimes, I pray and wait for an answer. But due to my impatience, I hold on to what I prayed about. Instead of listening to God, I’m still holding on when I should have left my concerns in His hands. This is definitely not the way to go.

We often say “Pray for me.” But how often does that person actually pray for you? Or you say to someone “I’ll be praying for you.” But how many times have you actually stopped to pray for that person you said you were praying for?

It took for someone else to pray for me to give me that little boost I needed to understand that prayer for someone else is just as effective as praying for yourself. I was going through a few things and a good friend called me and said, “I see you get frustrated sometimes and God has you going through these things for a reason. Friend, I called to tell you, I prayed for you tonight.” What a powerful statement. My heart filled with tears of joy because I knew she meant it and I knew it truly came from the heart.

This just made me realize that we have to be more careful when we say we are praying for someone, it could be that one prayer that they requested to get them through. God used her as a channel to get to me for me to listen to what he was saying.

When’s the last time you prayed for someone?

~Am I_My_Write_Mind?

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Give In Or Give Up

I was told today that sometimes you don’t give up on people because you don’t care. You give up because they don’t care. Agreed. It’s depressing to know that you’ve given people chance after chance time after time because you had hope in them. You thought they would change and things would get better. But in the end, you realize that you care too much.

When someone doesn’t care enough to put in as much effort as you, why should you care? Why should you attribute all of your effort someone who is only giving partial or none at all. I hate to say it, but this was me at one time. I quickly drew tired and numb from everyone asking why? I definitely owed no one but me and him that answer. But in the end, I learned.

There was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. But the love wasn’t strong enough for my needs. I’m not the one who you can just issue the minimal amount of love and attention and I’ll be ok. It doesn’t work out that way for me.

He once told me that I’m either all in and if there is any doubt about us being together then I should leave. I should have left then. But because I was giving in, I was also giving my all. What a waste of time because he wasn’t giving his all. This entire time I could have given up and moved on.

Could this have been a fear of giving up? Possibly. But after evaluating the circumstances, we both were better off with me giving up. I gave in for too long.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

The Ideal Relationship

I first want to give a shout out to my buddy D Mac for posting this on Instagram and Twitter. This thought runs through my mind daily but never knew how to put it into words. Thank you for your words.

“I want a relationship where we talk like best friends, argue like husband and wife and protect each other like siblings.”- D. Mac

This is exactly what I look for, along with other things. How about a job, your own place and your own vehicle. Those three things seem so easy to have.

This idea seems so simple, right? Not exactly. It’s so hard to just get these simple characteristics in one person. I went through a phase when I actually had a written list of what I wanted in a man. That list has decreased tremendously. Why?  As we get older we are forced to lower our standards every year. For example I wanted a man with no kids. As each year passes, it becomes more difficult to find a guy with no kids. They are a rare breed.

But with all of these simple characteristics, we get a bunch of other factors that we’d rather not have. Maybe they are lazy, maybe they’re too dependent. Maybe they have a bland personality. Or what about a homebody, too skinny, too fat, too light, too dark, etc. While we list a bunch of things we want in a person, how easy is it find that one person who meets all of these requirements? There is no ease in finding these people.

I may get someone that I can call my friend, argue with and protect me. However, what if they don’t have a job. As stated in a previous post:  I get that people have preferences. People like skinny, fat, tall, short, light dark, long hair, short hair, etc. I actually get that part. But what about those easy, obtainable factors that we search for? People just don’t have them.

Can we actually be happy if we get someone that is the exact opposite of what we say we want? I don’t think so. But on the other hand all we have is an idea of what an ideal relationship may be. However, a relationship where we will get everything we ask for is non existent.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Sometimes Your Delivery Can be Hurtful

I don’t know how many times I can say that the truth hurts. I think we try to soothe the pain of the truth by blaming other’s harshness when they tell the truth. I’d rather everyone just tell the truth no matter how bad they may believe it’s going to hurt. This subject stirred up because someone told me yesterday that I hurt their feelings sometimes by what I say. My rebuttle: I’m only telling the truth.

After the conversation was over and went back and reflected. What was it that I said that could have been interpreted as hurtful.  Ah ha! Lightbulb moment: Maybe it wasn’t what I said it was how I said it. It was more of my delivery than the package itself.

The truth will always be the truth.  But what I review as hurtful may not be viewed as hurtful to someone else. It’s all about a person’s perspective. We may not view the situation in the same light. Truth can be supported by facts and concrete research. This remains the same just as opinions are persuaded by perspectives.

So as I’m writing this blog, I’m also reflecting on what I said to that person. Maybe I could have been a little nicer. Maybe I my tone could have been a little softer. I could have toned down my “as a matter of fact” attitude. No matter how I said it, it’s already  said and I can’t change that.

The only action now is to apologize that I hurt their feelings. Then use this situation as a tool when reflecting on how I’m speaking to someone and what I’m saying.

~Am I_N_My_Write_Mind?

Why Am I Nagging Over Nonsense?

I usually try to stop myself from opening up my relationship or past relationships up to the entire world. We’ve all had problems in our relationships. However, I’m not too keen on releasing those problems to the entire world. I have one issue that I found I need help with though. I found myself complaining about almost every little thing.

Why did you do that?
Why don’t you do this?
When will this happen?

Blah, blah, blah. It’s the same questions over and over. Too many questions and not enough time to sit back and actually think about what I’m asking or complaining about.

I realized that I shouldn’t have to nag or complain. If that person isn’t doing what I think it’s because THEY don’t want to. People make time and pay attention to what they want. If its you they want to make time for then they’ll find a way to do so. There is no use in trying to force it.

It made me think about all of the times I nagged and complained about something. I realized it wasn’t him I was complaining about. He was just being himself. Why or how can I expect him to be anything different than who is really is?  Why am I so eager to complain to make him change his ways to become more compatible with mine?.. I really shouldn’t be.

So now I’m at a crossroad. What do I do now? Do I continue to mention all of the things that bother me? The answer here is to just choose my battles wisely. I had to learn that no all battles are worth the fight.

If we choose to fight the battle, then we should fight hard or not fight at all.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

 

 

Pride Over A Tenacious Attitude

Food for thought: When you are determined to do things the same way expecting different results you can become extremely prideful.

What happens when you put your time and effort into something but it’s just not working out for you? You’ve done everything within your limit to make sure it works. You’ve even tried things differently, only to end up with the same result?

This my friend is a tenacious attitude. The life you prefer to live is actually consumed by your determination, aspiration and drive to make something (that you know is not going to work) work. Where is the common sense to let it go and start something else?  No, you want to stay where you are comfortable. You’d rather stay in a spot that is familiar. With all the time and effort you’ve already put it, you don’t realize that you are wasting even more time working on something not worth your effort. You’re thinking… Why start over when you’ve already put enough time in this situation already?

However, you have that tiny centimeter that’s asking who cares? Who cares that you have to start over? Who cares that you even stayed around that long to see something fail? Who’s paying attention? What they are actually paying attention to is why you carry a tenacious attitude while letting your pride stand over you.

I’ve discovered that most prideful people also carry this tenacious attitude. However, these two together is definitely not a good look. You end up looking like the biggest fool 95% of the time when you become so tenacious that you let your pride get in the way.

No one wants to deal with a tenacious yet prideful person. Those two do not mesh well together.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

 

Awkward Text Messages Cause for Awkward Moments

I’m sure we’ve all had those awkward, unexpected text messages from the ex. You know those messages just to see if you’ll respond, if you still have their number saved or if they can still get in good. I actually chuckle at these messages. It’s pretty funny when people realize what you mean to them after it’s too late. These are just a few examples of ones that I’ve received:

“How are you. I’ve been thinking about you lately.”

“I know you are probably mad and don’t want to talk to me but I really love you and miss you”

“I swear to God. It’s so true that you never miss a good thing until it’s gone. You’re gone and now I’m sitting here looking stupid”

Bla, blah, blah. It’s the same thing over and over. I bet these text messages only roll in when the current girlfriend has made them mad or they realize what they’ve gotten themselves into. I just delete those messages. No response needed. No need in carrying on conversations with individuals that don’t matter through text.

Depending on the number, someone may get a rude awakening from me if they call.  I’m not good with remembering numbers and surely not good keeping numbers taking up space in my phone. Once I’ve decided that it’s over, I delete contacts, messages and call histories. Then, if for some reason I have your e-mail, I delete that too.

There is no reason to keep all of this information. The awkwardness of it is when I answer my phone not knowing who’s calling. I’m currently looking for a job so I think it could be someone calling me back about a job. Then I find out, its actually one of those exes I’d rather not talk to. Then they absolutely hate when this happens:

Them: What’s up?

Me: Who is this?

Them: Oh so you deleted my number? I see how it is. That’s pretty messed up. So you just delete me, huh.

(After I realize who it is by the voice) Me: Umm. Sorry. I didn’t think there was a reason to keep your information. But how can I help you?

Them: You can start by not being so mean and talk to me.

Me: I don’t think that’s a good idea. But you can have a nice life (hangs up phone). 

I don’t know what they expected. They were willing to put in the time and effort when we dated. So why should I be willing to put in my time and effort because they missed out?… I have no idea but I’ll pass on that awkward moment.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

I’m On Probation From Jewelry Bliss

One of my other addictions is earrings. My friend and I recently went to an accessory store. Boy was I in total bliss. It was organized by colors and even had several styles of jewelry.

In an instant, I immediately starting putting things in my basket. Without hesitation, I shopped. Nothing went back on the display. Of every price I l was fond of, 100% of them remained in the basket. It was until I went to the check out when I found out how much trouble I was in.

I won’t tell you how much my total was. But my friend gave me that “Are You Crazy?” look. I gave her back a “Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not look”. I graciously took my bags and a cold breeze of sadness came through. Too bad the store was no where close to my home. Otherwise I would be here every weekend.

After a second thought, I said to my friend “You know Im going to be here every weekend right?” She boldly gave me a snare look. Then she proceeds to tell me that because she’s a good friend, she’s putting me on probation. My heart beat became faster and I felt like I was suffocating.

Probation? Yes. Probation. I’m on a 60 day probation and can not buy any jewelry or purses. My insides boil up at the thought that I can’t buy any new jewelry for a minimum of 60 days. 60!!!!!!!! I’m anxiously counting down those days until I can return to jewelry bliss.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?