Had a conversation this morning that made me question their motive and my actions. They questioned why I had made some drastic decisions in the last year. My insides boiled as its not my responsibility to explain my decisions to anyone. I went to work, sat at my desk for a while and meditated on how to shake it off.
As I become older, I realize accomplishments, ideas created, behaviors learned and lessons taught. This does not necessarily mean that I’m done learning or teaching. It’s just means that I’m growing and I’m discovering new opportunities. We’ve all made choices in life. Whether our choices are right or wrong, they all have the end result. WE LEARNED SOMETHING.
One of the hardest personal decisions I’ve made is to grow up and work on me. Toward the latter part of 2011, I decided to not drink alcoholic drinks and party in clubs. I’m not downing anyone who does drink or party. This is a decision that I’ve made that I believe will make me a better person. I’ve had a few comments that have tried to persuade my decisions but in the end, my choice is my personal preference. I try not to explain myself and my reasoning because people tend to pass judgement on that reasoning as well. Instead, I simply say “it’s just a personal choice that I’ve made. So while, I dont need alcohol to have fun, it is hard at times to separate myself when the majority of the group has a glass of wine or a mixed drink.
Another personal decision I’ve made is in regards to food. At the beginning of the year, I decided to cut out all red meat and pork. Yes, no more hamburgers from FIVE GUYS and no more honey BBQ ribs from my dads grill. The more I think about it, the more I want to give up and have a slab of ribs or bacon for breakfast. However, as I’ve given up a simple food item, I’ve gained something as well. Although I’m not where I need or want to be physically and health wise, I believe I’m on a better track to becoming healthy. Yes, I know what you’re thinking ” why not just eat less”. Yes I do that as well. I’ve just become more conscious of what I eat and how much. Cravings come more than often and I still battle my addiction to sugar. In the end, I know the decisions I’ve made are in fact mine and I own up to those decisions.
In the words of my uncle: Choices are a part of life. If you aren’t making choices, you aren’t living.
~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?
We all know what corporate thugging is. It’s when you go into Corporate America and you take over!… Eh, doesn’t quite work that way though. I’ve had to ease my way into corporate thugging status. I’m use to going in, learning my way around and using the system to get to where I need to be. You know the routine: Go in. Learn as much as you can. Soak up everything they are willing to teach you. Then use that at your advantage to move up. *Pause. This hasn’t quite worked out for me this last time around.
My current dilemma is trying to find a job that relates to my Masters Degree. In January I’ll be graduating with my Masters in Human Resources. The main problem I have is in my job search I get really nervous about the job requirements. While I understand that I’ll be a fresh graduate, I have no experience. Most jobs require 3-5 years experience. I continually ask myself how do I obtain human resources experience if most jobs require experience that I don’t hold?
Trying to be loyal to the company I already work for, I asked around to see how I could advance and grow in the company. Their response: we need you to stay unhappy with your current position as we don’t really have room for you to grow. Sure that wasn’t their response. However that’s how it’s perceived. I felt that sting from leadership’s palm after it slapped me in the face. With me being a Leo, I’m loyal by nature. But when being disloyal has a great cause, I’m all for it.
Don’t get me wrong, I am forever grateful for my position as I know that some are not so lucky to have a job. When I was first offered the position, I was faced with choosing this job and another position. Both were the same but the other paid more. Of course I took the job paying less money but it was at first glance promising. Now, I’m stuck with a position with no growth. Not only that, Ill have a degree that I can’t seem to get my toes wet in.
I’m normally good at at least getting my toes wet and learning really quickly. However, I’m realizing that a degree means nothing and its simply experience thats needed. Being educated is a method that doesn’t seem to be working out for me. This cause for an extreme measure of networking! This is what I call corporate thug problems!
~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?
Remember when you were little and you asked your parent’s something and they always said maybe? You never knew what that outcome would be and you patiently hoped the answer would eventually turn into a yes? When we have a desire to want something or do something, God’s answers are: Yes. No. Not Now or I have something better.
As a child I never understood the definition of being patient. I think that has lingered on into my adult life because I still struggle with being patient. It could be a personality characteristic for me. But I want things done right away. The quicker it’s done, the quicker the issue is taken care of and off my worry list. Over time I had to learn things take time. Most importantly, just because I know I’m ready doesn’t mean that God believes I’m ready.
Over the last few months, I’ve asked God for somethings and I expressed to him that I was ready. (Like he doesn’t see that I think I’m ready). Go ahead and laugh… I did. I’ve discovered that while I’m in the “Not Now” stage, I’ve learned how to better myself. Not only is a learning stage, it’s a testimony stage. Think of it as a confirmation stage that while he didn’t give me what I asked for, he has something better for me. He knows what is best and I am a firm believer of that.
So while I am human I still and wonder who, what, when, where and how. My main concern is to wait for my answers Yes. No, Not Now or I Have something better. I must make it my business to patiently wait and not wonder.
~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?
Greetings and Salutations Friends and Family,
I took a long break from my blog to regroup, determine a plan and figure out what it was/is I wanted to do. This may seem crazy but for some reason, I backed away from what really makes me happy to search other things that make me happy. In the end, it’s writing and voicing my opinion that makes me happy.
I did a mini soul searching experiment. Ever heard of bucket list? Yeah, well I made a list of my own. Except it was a yearly to do list. The goal of that list was motivation to do things I always wanted to do and never had the chance. The time frame was a year to get all 103 of these items done. How many did I complete you ask? A whopping 25! If you’re like my mom, you’re thinking “Well something is better than nothing and you’ll always have time.” I thought this too. However, when the goal was to sort of find myself and what makes me happy, I failed at that accomplishment.
I’ve come to the realization that blaming other issues like time management, school, writer’s block or even work should not keep me from writing. Those close to me know I’ve been away for a while and I often get the same question “Any new blogs?” I simply sigh and think about what I coulda, shoulda, woulda wrote about. There should not be any thinking involved. It should be just to write. To help me come back to where I needed to be, I wrote a few ideas down in my journal. Those few thoughts sparked my writing drive.
I sat down and thought about when I’m the happiest. My three most happiest places: On my knees talking to God, sitting on the couch writing or typing my ideas and lastly, with friends and family. So while I still have my list to complete, the bottom line is I’m happy writing.
So, I say welcome back to myself. Welcome back my friends. Welcome back family.
~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?