Where’s the Commitment?

So a group of friends decided to ask the question: When is it ok to move in with each other? The options were after 6 months, 1 year, 2 years or after engaged or married. At first I hesitated on engaging in the conversation. My friends know how strongly I feel about this. Sure everyone has their own opinions and will do what they believe is right. Me on the other hand, I don’t think this should even be a question. Let me explain.

The idea of moving together first brings convenience. Your bills are now split between two incomes and you have a potential to save more money. This is true, but think about water consumption for two, cooking for two and last but not least, answering to someone who isn’t your spouse or parent. I’m just not ready to commit to all of these things if there is not commitment between us to do it for the rest of our lives.

Moving in secondly brings in-house sex. Yeah, I know. Some of you are saying this could be the most positive idea ever. Though it could be, think about the commitment aspect. Just because we live together does not mean you are faithful or committed. 

Lastly, moving in brings comfort.  Living together, you are definitely spending more time together. But is it too much time when you are just dating? Dating is about getting to know each other and having fun, right? I’m a big fan of spontaneity. I really think that’s lost when we move in together and aren’t married.

I guess my most important concept here is commitment. Someone actually said, there is no time frame to decide to move in. Just when you feel it’s right. I have to disagree with that statement. The only right time is when you have decided to spend the rest of your life with this person. The next question I would have is: I’m good enough to live with but not good enough to marry? That makes sense…. In my sarcastic voice. Moving in together does not define commitment in any way.

I don’t know about you, but I hate packing, moving and unpacking. Just think if you move in with most of the people you date.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

The Company We Keep

What we do and who we associate with tell us a lot about who we are. I’m a firm believer of the the phrase “Birds of a feather, flock together” I don’t think that that it means that you always agree or do the exact same things your friends or associates do. You are friends and associates with people who share the same interests as you. There is such thing as having different opinions, views, reactions and reasons for certain situations.

As I was packing some pictures, I noticed how different my friends are and how I’m different from all of my friends. Looking at pictures and reminiscing made me ponder on how much we as people change. As we go through life and undergo different experiences, wisdom grows.

These pictures made me realize that although I may have been friends and associated with someone in the past, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it would be the same for present day. My senior book from high school showed how I changed through out high school. My college pictures showed how I matured from “no care in the world” to “hello real world”.

There was one photo in particular which brought back so many memories. It was of me and of a person I was really close to in high school. She and I did everything from skipping school, worked together and had all of our classes together. I can truly say she was a great influence on my high school years.

Of course we don’t talk. I haven’t talked to her since my junior year of high school. Staring at the picture, I’m sure I would have had an extremely different experience in high school. I also knowI probably wouldn’t have been as adventurous if it wasn’t for her. I consider this as a good thing and I wouldn’t take it back for the world.

It is funny how the company we keep can have an effect on our lives. Whether it’s our decisions we make, advice we give and experiences we endure, our friends and those we associate with are a major part of how we live and how we are viewed.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

Hi, My Name is Mike

I debated for four days on when or even if I should write about this random experience. But a few encouraging words from friends led me to this path to lay my frustration out on this blog. One friend said I should write about the entire experience, the other said I should write about men in general. I figured there were too many blogs about men anyway. So here we go. Here is the condensed version.

A road trip to my family reunion in Baltimore started this entire mess. A guy I dated while I lived Baltimore seems to have a radar on me. I never tell him when I’m coming. However, he always tends to call or text heavily when I do. After a few conversations, I tell him that I’m coming. (Yes, bad idea).

Please keep in mind that this road trip was about my family, but this guy called and texted the entire drive wanting to know who, what, when, where and how. The most disturbing text: Are you going to stay with me? My gut instinct was to disconnect all means of communication but a part of me wanted to to see him. Dinner and a few drinks wouldn’t hurt.

I finally get to my destination and he calls to see if we can hang out. I thought the earlier the better. If I got our visit out of the way then I wouldn’t have to worry about him the rest of the weekend. We meet up, had a few laughs and then the drama began. He noticed we had a similar phone. He asked me to fix something on his phone which required me to go into his messages. No biggie right? Wrong.

I proceded to make my changes to the last person he texted. This person’s name was Mike. I noticed that he was sending the same text messages to Mike were the same messages he was sending me. Wait. Why are Mike and I getting the same texts? So I go back to the inbox to make sure I wasn’t confusing myself. I looked and my name didn’t appear in the inbox anywhere.

By this time, I’m wondering why my name is saved as Mike. This can only mean one thing. There is someone important you are trying to keep me from. I’m smart enough to know that if my right name is not saved in your phone, I’m definitely not an important factor.  I’m wondering if she was to go through his phone, if she would have found the many pleading texts in his phone. Examples: I miss you. I love you. I wish you would move back here…. You get the point.

He didn’t get an initial reaction from me. I handed him the phone and pretended I hadn’t noticed anything. If he was smart enough, he would have edited my information before he handed me the phone. After I talked it over with friends and my sister, I decided to leave the situation alone. The conclusion: Someone who lacked this type of common sense is definitely not worth my time and energy.

By the way, he did continue to call, text and e-mail me the entire weekend. I was going to give him a final good bye face to face. However, I sent him both a text and an e-mail telling him that I knew my name was saved as Mike, he couldn’t be trusted, it’s best we go our separate ways. I’ve deleted all of his contact information and I believe he should do the same.

It’s just a little disturbing that someone pleads that they love an miss you but they have you saved in their contacts under an alias. Im extremely grateful that I did find this out so I wouldn’t have to be bothered with the unnecessary  drama from a guy.

~Am I N_My_Write_Mind?

I Promised To Never Say Never, Ever

My co-workers and I tend to have extremely interesting conversations. Whether it’s about family, friends, religion, politics and work itself, we always tend to formulate conversation to get us through the day. Most of the time these randomly produced subjects are R-rated. I don’t think we’ve ever had a subject that was PG-rated. Today was no different. To keep the blog PG, I’ll just say that the subject was about sexual encounters.

More specifically, the things we are willing and unwilling to do. Of course some are bold an confident to share experiences. Some say, they would try anything for the purpose of pleasing their partners. Others say only certain actions are meant to be experimented. When asked my opinion, I took the safe route. I say this is a sensitive subject meant to be shared with you and you’re partner.

The million dollar questions for some of these actions…. “Would you do it?” Of course I said NEVER to the majority. I even took the liberty of mentioning a rather popular question that I’ve been asked over and over. This question sparked the interest of everyone involved. I received a diverse selection of good and bad experiences. These experiences served as reasoning/justification for why people did what they did.

I’d say I’m a pretty open person. I’m willing to hear other’s opinions, views, stories and experiences.  I’d also say that I’m willing to try anything once. But I was thrown off by this conversation… Still in my mind. I’m thinking NEVER would I do some of these of the wall.

The more this one individual pleaded their case, the more I found comfort. Comfort in believing that somethings are meant to be experienced. Some things are meant to be experienced through others sharing their experiences. While I continue to tell myself that that I would more than likely not try some things for myself, the word NEVER is not an exact statement.

As for the actions i said NEVER to…. I’ll just live through other’s experiences.

~Am I N-My-Write-Mind?

Breaking Up With A Friend

You ever feel like a good friendship has run its course? You want to continue to be friends but you’ve both grown apart. There are plenty of  other things and people I could be spending my time on. I quickly became fed up with the one sided friendship. However, a part of me wants to continue to be friends just so I can avoid the awkwardness of breaking up with a friend.

Over and over, I rehearsed what to say and how to say it. That dreadful moment passed me by several times. I couldn’t break up with this friend. “Oh shoot this is so heavy on my heart. What should I do?” I asked myself. I wrote down the pros and cons of keeping the relationship versus ending it. Of course there were more cons then pros.

The cons: I was putting in way too much and not getting anything back if any. They became hard to read. My feelings and opinions seemed to not matter anymore. Energy was being wasted because neither of us wanted to admit the real deal. Yep. Pretty much a one sided relationship.

The pros: Just another person to call a friend

So then I had to ask myself, how do I break up with a person I once called a friend? Sending an e-mail or text would be extremely impersonal. I would have to chose the right time and place if we broke up in face to face… Oh how I would dread the reaction and the facial expressions.

I can’t see myself saying “I don’t think this is working out. I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” After deep thought, I couldn’t boil up the nerve to end it. The only logical way is to take it easy. The less phone calls, the less text messages, the less lunch lunch/dinner dates and the less information shared, the easier it is to let go. So the plan is to ease away slowly.

~Am I N-My-Write-Mind?