Caring from a distance

It’s weird how this world is so small and you can always find someone who has gone through the same thing as you. Or, you know someone else who has gone through a certain situation. When you go through a storm, sometimes it’s the person you think is not likely to help you that can encourage you. Sometimes, maybe a simple smile, hello or comment can make someone’s day.

On the other hand, I understand when you are down and going through, you may  not want to be bothered. Some of us ignore calls, texts and e-mails. We even try not to come in contact with people so we don’t have to talk. I’ve realized that you can’t push people away or ignore people when you are hurt. They may be the one’s to offer help or make you feel better.

~Am I N-My-Write-Mind?

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Control Freak

My pastor did more than step on my toes in Sunday’s sermon. They actually became numb. He mentioned that we as people always try to control a situation.

See, the truth is we try to control things that are out of control’s reach. I’d like to blame this on me being a leo and my personality. However, can I really blame it on that aspect? When I don’t have control of a situation, I feel as if I let myself down and I become angry at myself. I get upset when things don’t turn out the way I want or planned. I always think my way is the right way. Why do I get so upset when things don’t go as planned? I mean, I planned. That’s why it should go exactly how I planned it. Right? Umm no. Negative. That’s not how it works.

After this sermon, I went home and meditated.  I said to myself “Gosh, you really do try to control things. Get yourself together”. It was an eye opener to realize how much I do try to control every situation. Not once did I ever realized that there could be more than one way to do things. Not once did I try to determine other alternatives.

No one is ever always right. Nor can I grasp control on all situations. The lesson is, I have to let some things go and let God do his work. He guides me and  I need to just follow. I’m not in control. He is.

~Am I N-My-Write Mind?

Screaming but you can’t hear me

For all those that know me, know that I have terrible road rage. For those that don’t know me, now you know too. 🙂 I’m easily irritated by the following:

20 mph drivers, drivers who do not use turn signals, drivers who take forever to turn, drivers who drive on the lines, drivers who ride my butt, drivers who wait until the last minute to turn…. you get my drift.

If there is no traffic, it can take me 15 minutes to get home from work. If there is traffic, maybe it takes 20-25 minutes. On my way home from work, I became irritated by a driver who kept breaking but there was no one in front of them. I thought to myself, “What is all of this breakage about sir?”

I started to scream and yell inside my car. I said things like “You bleeping idiot! WTF is going on? HELLO!” All I wanted to do was get home from a long day at work. Instead, I had a incompetent driver which whom I couldn’t bypass because of traffic.  How would he know I was irritated with him? There wasn’t a way I could show him who ridiculous he was driving.

After a few more words, I realized that no one can hear me but me. The man in the car in front of me could not hear me. What was the point in screaming? I turned down my music and drove in silence the rest of the way home. I was more upset at myself than I was at the jerk in front of me because no one could hear me scream.

Leading the group in the wrong direction?

What is the definition of a leader? I guess this could be tricky and it depends on who is leading and what you’re leading.  But everyone should have some clue or their own definition of a leader. Our leaders could be presidents, managers, supervisors, etc. There are so many characteristics that a leader should possess. My short definition of a leader is someone who:

1.Has the ability to adapt

2.Has great communication skills

3.Is Firm

4.Is personable

5. Is able to multitask

 

Today I became really frustrated with my so called team leader. Her job description seems a little vague as her duties are no more than my daily duties. The only difference is compensation. At times, I feel I actually do more than she does in a work day. I mean she asks us “the team” more questions than we ask her.

I had a provider who was upset and wanted to talk to a supervisor. Before I transfered to the team lead, I wanted to brief her of the situation. Well, I asked her a question as I assume she is there to “lead the team” and take over the call.

After I asked for help, she tells me to tell the provider exactly what I’ve already told her. So, I do that and the provider only became more frustrated and still wanted to speak to a supervisor. I then became a little confused and irritated. One would think her role was to assist me, if I was unable to help a provider. Instead, both the provider and I had attitudes about the situation and the situation was not resolved.

Now this has happened on a number of occasions.The question remains, Is she leading in the right direction or is she leading at all?

~Am I N-My-Write-Mind?

Suspect

Being in a relationship and being single are two totally diffent things. When you’re in a relationship there are limits on who you talk to and what you do. When you’re single you can pretty much do whatever the hell you feel and talk to whomever you like.

I had a recent conversation with a person who will be left unamed who begged to differ. Unlike me, she is married. However that does not stop her from having conversations with “friends” of the opposite sex.

Now these friends have been a little more than friends with benefits in the past. But, she continues to keep them near although she’s married. I was burning to ask her, “What do you guys talk about?” She continued to tell me how her husband doesn’t know about her friends and he thinks she’s always talking to females.

I tried really hard to hold it in. But I couldn’t. “Umm. Ok. What in the world do you guys talk about? I’m confused.”

“We talk about old times, stuff I’m not comfortable talking to my husband about, what could have been, what our kids have in common. Really all kinds of stuff.”

I know what you guys are thinking because I was thinking the same thing….. Did she just say, stuff I’m not comfortable talking to my husband about? Yep, that’s exactly what she said. She then told me, its the same thing as me being single and having friends.

I could go on all day about our conversation but there are a few points to this blog.

1. I am DEFINITELY not relationship expert. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in one. On the other hand, I do know that if I’m married or in a relationship, we should be friends first before anything. I should be able to talk to you about anything.

2. I’m not saying that you can’t have friends of the opposite sex. But I do think that it’s an issue when it’s someone you were previously involved with.

3. I would be honest enough to let my husband know who it is that I talk to. Why are you sneaking around talking to “your friends”? This sneaking around mess, is grounds for SUSPICION!

~Am I N-My-Write-Mind?

The customer is alway right

We’ve come to know this phrase quite well. For some reason we’ve been taught that its true. We then use it as a crutch to get our point across.

However, during a recent encounter with a doctor at work, I have to say that I completely disagree with this statement. There is no such thing as always right. It just doesnt exist.

I work for a health insurance company. I help the providers with claims and eligibility issues.I came across a provider who knew she was right. I couldn’t tell her otherwise. The doctor argued that she billed her claim correct and it should have paid.

“Ok, lady. Ill give you the benefit of the doubt and l’ll take a look at it for you.” I thought.

I pull up her claim and found that she saw the patient for services not covered. The insured had pregnancy coverage only. The doctor billed for flu shots.

Correct me if Im wrong, but does the flu have anything to do with pregnancy? No? Ok.

She then continues to argue that its our fault that we did not notify her.  I asked, “Well, doctor, isn’t it your job to check eligibility before you see the patient before services are provided?”

With that simple question i proved two things:
1. Customers are not always right. People use the statement when they know they’re wrong.
2. If everyone joined in to do their own jobs, we wouldn’t have to depend on statements like “The customer is always right”

-Am I N-MY-WRITE-MIND?

Support for Success or Success for Support

There are a number of people who vow to support you during your struggle for success. We all have this circle, whether it is family or friends. I’d like to think that if you support me, I support you. However, it doesn’t always conclude that way. I’ve recently noticed some individuals in my so called circle who have not supported any of my decisions.

As the clock ticks, I still take my time to figure out what exactly it is i want in life. I’m human and I make mistakes. I’d like to think of those mistakes as opportunities.  I even know that of all the decisions I make, not everyone will agree. But does that mean support should be deleted from the equation because you don’t agree?

One thing I have noticed is that the more success, the more support comes along with it. But shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t you support me so that I can be successful and vice versa?

So now when I think about someone being successful, I’ll think about their supporters that helped them to get there.

~Am I N-My-Write-Mind?

 

Confessions of an Addict

As I made my lunch today, I tried to keep my healthy regiment in tact. I had a turkey sandwich, celery and carrots, a banana and crystal light. When I was done eating, I searched the pantry and fridge for something majorly sweet.

Now keep in mind, that I just had a lunch that made me full. I had managed to fix a lunch that was low in fat. However, I wanted something else to fill that junk food void. The banana just didn’t cut it. I thought drinking some water would help the craving. It only made me go to the bathroom.

After, I noticed what I was doing wrong, I went in the living room to watch tv and get my mind off of eating something sweet.  As soon as a commercial came on, I went back to the kitchen. “Maybe I missed someting” I thought. I did a complete inventory of the shelves again.

There was nothing there that I could use as a quick fix. Then it came to me. My  sister had a bag of Sweetheart Gummies. I asked if I could have some and she was so serious about telling me no. “Damn it!” I thought.

I stormed out and walked back to the living room. I couldn’t believe I was actually upset about not having sugar. Attitude and frustration were uncalled for. This is food I’m talking about.

They say the first step to getting help to admit that you have a problem. I guess I’m over step one.

~Am I N-My-Write-Mind?

Energy

We all know how good it feels to get those GM or GN texts from a boo. Well, I suprisingly received one this morning. However, it was from someone who I preferred not to get one from. Reluctantly, I responded back because I know how it feels to be ignored.

I continued to do my early morning duties and he texts back and says “Be careful on the roads this morning.” My gut told me to just respond “ok” but because I’m iced in and had nothing else to do, I texted back and said, “thank you but I’m at home because of the ice and I have a flat tire.”

I didn’t expect him to text back but he did. This is exactly what his text read “You should get your tired fixed so you can come over my house and chill with me”.

Now, it took me a few minutes to decide on how I should respond. There are three major things wrong with this text:

1.I’m iced in. So that means I can’t go anywhere if I wanted to.

2. If I didn’t get my tire fixed to go to work, what makes you think I would get it fixed just to come see you. My money is more important than chilling with you.

3. You want me to risk getting into an accident and you are the one with the huge SUV. I guess you really care about my well being.

Then as Keri Hilson’s song “Energy” came on I took a few breaths and responded, “I don’t think you should call or text me anymore.”

I realized, I was tired of putting energy and thought into people that don’t put any energy into me. That doesn’t make sense. There was too much thought and energy into the response of my text when I could have just said “ok”.

~Am I N-My-Write-Mind?

Hello world!

Hello World! This has definitely been a long time coming.Writing has always been my passion. Those who know me, know how I feel about “excuses”  so no more for me. I kept putting this off due to so many people, things and circumstances. However, I’ve come to the realization that I have to let my light shine no matter what others think of me.

Thank you in advance to those who will support me and those who don’t. I promise to be nothing but honest in my thoughts and experiences. So welcome to my blog.  I’m ready to take this journey. This is where you discover that I’m N-My-Write-Mind. What about you?